The Hunger Inside
by iLe888
Summary: It's the year after the rebellion,and Katniss struggles to tell Peeta how she feels about him. Pre epilogue. Rated M for mild smut. Disclaimer: I DO NOT own The Hunger Games. It all belongs to Suzanne Collins.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: I wasn't satisfied with the lack of details about how Peeta and Katniss grew back together or how the last chapter of Mockinjay ended. This is my take on how their relationship developed after the rebellion ended and they were back in District 12. I hope you enjoy it.

It's being a year since the end of the rebellion and people have come back to District 12 to rebuild the town and their lives. There are just a few hundreds of us, but people keep coming and the new government is more than eager to make the town alive again; but it's not like it used to be, life in District 12 that is.

The town has changed and people have changed. A lot of people…are gone, but life goes on. The Victor's Village is full. The houses are occupied by those who arrived first to District 12 and other houses similar to these, maybe a bit smaller, have been built all around town to accommodate the new population. Hyamitch, Greasy Sae and Peeta are my neighbors and I'm grateful for their company.

Peeta. Every night I think about our time in the cave. About the kiss we shared at the beach and the hunger it made me feel. I think about how it would feel to have him beside me at night, holding me tight and making the nightmares go away. How would it feel to give away to the hunger and forget everything around us, but after everything that happened I'm not even sure if he longs my kisses the way I long his. I want to ask him, but how? How to start a conversation about that? We see each other and spend time together every single day, but we haven't talked about our "relationship" once. We are friends. No more crossed star lovers.

The weather is perfect outside and I decide to go for a hunt. After two hours or so, I have a decent haul for tonight's dinner. I walk home, thinking about all the memories that live in these woods; memories of my father and memories about Gale. Gale, whom I will never be able to separate from the memory of Prim's death, whom I will never be able to love the way I know I could have loved. Whatever I felt for Gale died a long time ago.

I arrive home and call Greasy Sae to let her know what I caught. She arrives 20 minutes later along with her granddaughter; both go straight to the kitchen, while I go upstairs and shower. An hour later dinner is ready, and Peeta arrives with a fresh loaf of bread. Just seeing him sends a current through my body and a thousand butterflies flutter in my stomach, but I know how to hide this well.

Greasy Sae gets two plates ready and puts them on the table.

"Tonight you eat alone," she says as she gathers her things."Aren't you staying?" asks Peeta as he slices the bread.

"There's a town meeting tonight. The Capitol thinks it's a good idea to change the names of the districts. You know, leave the numbers behind and choose a real name. They think it will be a new start." She looks happy about the idea.

"See you tomorrow for breakfast lads," her granddaughter waves us goodbye and they both leave.

Peeta sits next to me. "I think that's a great idea," he looks at me and smiles before taking a bite of rabbit leg. I smile back and start eating too.

It's a good idea, but I have other things in my mind. I want to ask him about us. We eat half our meals in silence, but I can't keep quiet anymore.

"Peeta?" I say still looking at my plate. "What…we are friends, right?" I look at him.

"Yes" he says frowning.

I move the food around in my plate, suddenly not hungry anymore."What do you think will happen with us?" I look up again, needing to see how he reacts.

"What will happen to whom? The people in 12?" He looks confused

. I close my eyes and breathe deeply. I can't believe I have to repeat this question again. It was not easy asking it the first time.

"No. I mean to us, you and me." I say this looking directly in his eyes.

He stares at me and says nothing. I don't know if he understood my question. I'm starting to think this was a mistake."Forget it." I say as grab my plate and get up from the table.

"Katniss. Don't go please." He grabs my hand and I feel as if my skin is on fire. I sit back, my eyes fixed on the table mantle.

"I think you're the only one who can answer that question." I can feel his eyes burning a hole in me. I look up, not really understanding what he means.

"Me? Why me?"

"You know how I feel about you Katniss, and in case you didn't know my feelings for you have not changed." He says casually, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

"So why haven't you..." I cannot finish the question. I've been bolder about the topic than I have ever been, but the half question apparently doesn't sit well with Peeta. His eyes look into mine, his hand holds mine tighter than before.

"Why haven't I what? Said anything? What more is there to say Katniss? I've told you time and time again what I feel for you. And then, then everything happened; the rebellion, Prim, coming back here and Gale going away. I have no idea what _you_feel. Are you waiting for him? Do you plan to go find him in District 2? No Katniss, I haven't said anything because I have nothing else to say. You are the one who needs to answer my questions. In the meantime, I'm still here, waiting for you like I always have." He grabs both of our dishes and gets up from the table.

I am speechless. All this time he has been waiting for me to say something, to know about what I feel for Gale, what I feel for him.

He washes the dishes and I'm still sitting at the table, unable to say a word, but I must say something. It takes all the strength in my body for me to talk.

"There is no Gale, not anymore. Whatever I felt…it's gone" I say. I can't see his expression.

"Are you sure about this?" He says and turns to look at me.

"Yes."

"Well, what about the rest of my questions? Is there anything else _you_ want to tell _me_?"

I'm starting to feel annoyed. "Peeta you know I'm no good with words"

"Then you'll have to learn to be. I won't make this easy for you anymore. I've told you everything, all that I have to tell you. Is there is something I should know? Something you want _me_ to know? If there is, then you'll have to tell me." He turns back and keeps washing the dishes.

I'm full of rage. He knows this is not easy for me and yet accepts he's not making an effort to make it easier. He's done with the dishes and looks at me one more time, probably waiting for me to finally talk, but I can't say anything.

"Good night Katniss." He says and then leaves.

I've been sitting in the kitchen for hours, or at least it feels like hours, thinking of every imaginable insult for Peeta. _"Who does he thinks he is? Demanding that I must tell him what I feel just because he told me a thousand times he loved me?"_ I think, and feel the butterflies flutter again in my stomach.

Yes, he loves me, he still loves me. I think about his words _"You know how I feel about you Katniss, and in case you didn't know my feelings for you have not changed"_ and I can't help but to smile. Peeta loves me, but what do I feel? Do I love him too?

I finally leave the kitchen and go to my room. I change into my pajamas, still thinking about everything that happened tonight. I get into bed feeling that maybe tonight I won't have to deal with the nightmares, but I am wrong.

I am at my old house in The Seam. It's Reaping Day and I'm wearing the dress mom laid out for me. I look around the house, but it's empty. Suddenly, it turns pitch black, just like it did in the arena; as if the Gamemakers turned off a switch, and sucked all the light out of the district. I'm scared. What sort of monster will they send here? I need to leave, I need to run, and that is when it happens. The scent of dill and cinnamon enters the room and melts my fears away.

"Peeta?" I whisper.

"Katniss" he answers back.

I can feel the scent all around me, still unable to see anything. Then, I feel the heat of his body next to mine. He takes my face in both his hands, the aroma of dill and cinnamon intoxicating me, and says my name in a whisper.

"Katniss."

I put my arms around his waist and take a step back, pining myself against the wall and him, the pressure of his body against mine makes my legs weak.

"Peeta." I say almost in a whimper.

He puts a hand behind my neck and kisses me softly, as if testing how I will respond. But I'm hungry for his kisses. I kiss him hard, letting the hunger take over me, just like I did at the beach.

This ignites something in Peeta, a hunger as well, and he kisses me harder; his right hand is still on my neck, while his left hand runs down my chest and stops at my waist. I do not protest.

Everything he does makes me want his kisses even more, want his touch. I grab his left hand and put it on my breast, he cups it, and the pressure starts a fire inside me. We keep kissing in complete darkness, but I need more, and I know he does too.

I start unbuttoning my dress as both of his hands grab my waist; then he kisses my neck. He moves from the side to the neck to the hollow of my throat, and gently takes off the top of my dress. His lips move downward, until his mouth lands on my breasts. He whispers my name and starts kissing them gently.

"Peeta" I say. As if on cue, he starts sucking hard, he can't take enough of me. I feel like fainting, but fight not to; I want to feel this. He keeps sucking my nipples, alternating between them to the point of feeling my body will explode. As if sensing this, he stops and turns me around. He presses my body against the wall, as his mouth devours my neck and both of his hands cover my says my name once more, but this time his voice sounds different.

"Katniss" he repeats again. My heart starts beating faster. This is not Peeta's voice.

"Katniss" He says a third time and I know for certain this is not Peeta. He turns me around so I can face him and in that exact moment the Gamemakers turn on the lights. I see him face to face, and gasp.

"Katniss" says Gale one last time.

I wake up with a startle. My head is pounding and my body is covered in sweat. I sit on the bed and put my head in my hands. I'm confused and somewhat ashamed. How could I do that…with Gale? Whatever I felt for him is gone, exactly like I told Peeta. Why did I have this dream? Why did I behave the way I did? And I remember that it wasn't Gale, at least not in the beginning. It was Peeta; his scent, his voice, his hands on my waist, his lips on my lips…on my breasts. I feel the butterflies once more. I trace Peeta's lips on my body and can't help but to smile. Yes, it was Gale at the end, no idea why, but Peeta started it all.

I get up from bed and walk to the bathroom, hoping a shower will clear my head and make all these feelings go away. There is no way I will function today if I keep thinking about this dream, and everything Peeta and I did…

The shower does help, but I still feel confused about why Gale came into the picture at all. I decide not to think about it anymore, I'll probably never get an answer. One thing is certain; kissing Gale and having him touching and kissing me felt wrong.

I get dressed and find Greasy Sae left breakfast for me in the kitchen. I decide to check on Haymitch, and take my breakfast to his house. He probably hasn't eaten any real food since yesterday, and some breakfast will do him good.

I get there and see Peeta working in the kitchen. My stomach turns, and once more I don't feel like eating. He smiles and says good morning. I answer back, and all the things we did in my dream come rushing back. I feel my ears burning; my face must be as red as an apple. I did not expect to find Peeta here. All the progress made in the shower is completely gone.

Haymitch is already at the table eating some bread, a cup of coffee in his hand. He looks up and gives me a small smile. He must be annoyed.

"Hey sweetheart," He says and sips his coffee.

"Oh and happy birthday." It's surprising he remembers it at all, being that he's drunk most of the time. Truth be told, I didn't even remember it.

"Today is not my birthday, but thanks anyway." I say as I grab some of the bread, looking for something to do.

"Whatever." he responds.

"It's in two days, right?" Asks Peeta, although I suspect he already knows the answer.

"Yes. I'm not looking forward to it. I don't care about it really."

I used to celebrate it with my family, but after my dad died; only Prim wished me a happy birthday, but Prim is not here anymore…

I can feel the tears forming in my eyes and I get up from the table. I walk to Haymitch's pantry and grab one of his liquor bottles.

"I'll take one, as a birthday gift." I say and leave before he has time to protest. I do not enjoy the feeling of being drunk, but I also hate the sadness I know I'll feel on my birthday. Better be prepared and have something to make me numb that day.

The day goes by pretty much like the day before. I hunt, Greasy Sae cooks and we all eat together, except this time she leaves and Peeta stays after he finishes washing the dishes. The idea of being in the house alone with him makes the butterflies attack my stomach once more. We have done this many times, but this will be my first time alone with him after the dream.

I'm sitting at the table and he sits next to me. I don't look up and pretend I'm lost in my thoughts. He holds my hand, the same way he did yesterday and it forces me to look at his face.

"Are you ok? I'm sorry about Haymitch and me mentioning your birthday." He rubs my fingers and squeezes my hand.

I give him a small smile."Thanks. I'm ok, but yes. It will be a tough day."

He gets up from his chair and gives me a hug. These are the things about Peeta that leave me defenseless. How thoughtful and caring he is. He tightens his hug and I take in the smell of cinnamon and dill; the warmness of his neck. I bury my face in it and breathe in. If I could only tell him how I feel, how I never want to let go, but I can't find the words. He releases me, holds my hand and sits again.

"What about the nightmares? Are you sleeping well at night? He asks concerned. I chuckle at the idea of actually telling him what I've been dreaming about lately.

"I've had better nights. That's for sure." I say thinking about the times he made the nightmares go away, just by sleeping next to me.

"You know Katniss, you only need to ask." He says with a smile, kisses my forehead and leaves.

An hour later I'm already in bed. A part of me is worried about what kind of nightmare I'll have tonight. The other part is excited, maybe I'll dream again about Peeta.

I wake up and can only remember scenes from the games. Not an actual nightmare I guess, but no Peeta dream either. I'm in an unusually good mood, which scares me bit. I go downstairs and find breakfast already in the kitchen, but Greasy and her granddaughter are already gone. I realize it's already noon and decide to start my day at once.

Before my hunting trip, I take a walk around town. I walk pass the new shops, built with the help of the new Capitol and stand in front of Peeta's old bakery, which it's being rebuilt as well. He feels that finally he can be there again and share the space with the memories of his family, that it will help him accept they are gone. He usually bakes small quantities at home and sells the bread at The Hob, which is now a legitimate market where people sell or trade. Not that he needs to work, since the new Capitol still gives us our allowance as Victors; they say we earned them.

I walk to the woods, which are open to everyone, but not a lot of people know how to hunt. On days when I'm in high spirits, I hunt enough for dinner and then some more to take to the butchers. It's not like the trains from the Capitol bring squirrels and rabbits for people to buy, and it's nice to feel useful. Today is one of those days. I have half a dozen of rabbits, eight squirrels and 3 birds.

I stop by the butcher's and decide to trade the rabbits and the bird for 3 chickens, plus I buy some lamb as well. I may ask Greasy Sae to attempt making the lamb and rice stew I ate at the Capitol. I don't want to celebrate my birthday, but having a nice dinner with Sae, Haymitch and Peeta the day before may prevent them from saying or doing anything tomorrow.

I go to the Hob and buy rice, dry prunes and herbs for the stew; all available thanks to the Capitol. Since most people work at the medicine factory, everyone is able to afford things like these. I walk to Greasy's house and deliver the goods. I explain to her the basics of the stew, not that I know how it was done, but she has an idea and tells me she'll be over at my house in a while.

I go to Haymitch's house, but he's not there. Then, using all the courage I have, I knock on Peeta's door. He opens and looks surprise.

"Oh. Wait a minute! Don't go!" He closes the door again and leaves me outside.

When he returns, I see he is covered in flour and frosting, just like in the old times.

"Hey" He says sheepishly.

"Hey" I answer back.

We stay there, staring at each other and I remember why I went there."Oh I went to Haymitch's house, but he's not there."

"He's probably in town, drinking somewhere" He answers.

"Well, I wanted to tell him, both of you actually, not to miss dinner tonight. I asked Greasy Sae to make lamb stew because of my birthday and all."

"Really? I thought you didn't care." He says smiling. This annoys me.

"No. I don't care, but I don't want any of you doing anything tomorrow, so I rather do something today." Peeta notices I'm upset and laughs."Ok. Ok. You are the boss." He says laughing. I roll my eyes and leave.

I go home and look inside my closet. I decide to wear one of the most casual dresses Cinna designed for me. Cinna. I remember how much I miss him and sigh. I decide on a girly yellow summer dress that I didn't get to wear in the Victor's tour. No, I don't care about my birthday, but I still want to look nice.

I get in the shower and spend almost an hour taking a bath and washing myself; I even shave my legs. For the last Victor's tour, the prep team decided to install one of those machines that dry you completely in a matter of minutes, just to make their job easier. I haven't used it since, but I'll make an exception tonight. I get dressed and decide to wear my hair down. I put on a little bit of makeup, just to cover the dark circles under my eyes. This, along with many other products I haven't touched, was a gift from my prep team.

I look at the mirror and feel like a joke. What is wrong with me? I want to tear off my clothes, braid my hair and put on my hunting jacket, but I decide to sit on my bed and breathe.

"_Why I can't try to look nice?"_ I think to myself.

Like Dr. Aurelius says, if I want to heal completely I need to start feeling good about myself. I sigh and rub my temples. I guess he is right; all the self loathing won't do me any good. But what will the others say or do when the say me? What will Peeta think? And why do I even care?

I'm mad at myself for caring so much about this, and decide to forget the topic. Let them think what they want. I get up from bed go downstairs just to realize Haymitch, Greasy Sae and her granddaughter are already here. I should lock my door once in a while. They all compliment my looks and I feel myself blushing, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be.

"I'm here!" Peeta calls from outside and Greasy Sae goes to open the door. He looks great. He is wearing a light blue button down shirt, khaki pants and brown leather shoes; probably one of the outfits he didn't get to wear either. He carries a beautiful cake and he hurries to put on the table, then his eyes lock on mine. The shirt makes his eyes look even bluer, which I didn't think was possible. I swallow hard and smile.

"You look beautiful" He says smiling.

"Thanks. You look great too. Is that cake for me?" I say trying to change the subject.

He keeps looking at me and I can feel myself blushing even more.

"Yes, but it's not a birthday cake, since you don't care about your birthday." He says winking at me, and I can't help but to laugh.

We all sit together and eat. Greasy's lamb stew is delicious, different from the one made in the Capitol, but delicious anyway. When we finish eating, Peeta brings the cake back to the table and everybody applauds. I feel actually happy and grateful to have them here with me.

Peeta takes a tiny candle from his pocket and puts it in the middle of the cake.

"My dad used to do this for us." He says as he lights the candle.

"Before you blow out the candle, you need to make a wish. Don't say it aloud! Just think about it and then blow out the candle." He stands back waiting for me to do as he says.

I feel giddy, which is rare, but I close my eyes and think about my wish…and I know exactly what to ask for. I blow out the candle and everyone applauds again. Greasy Sae has the dishes ready and Peeta cuts the cake. We all eat and compliment Peeta; I can see him blushing and he catches me looking at him.

After an hour or so Greasy leaves with her granddaughter, followed by Haymitch, who possibly can't stand being sober any longer. Peeta helps me with the dishes and gets ready to leave as well. I follow him to the door, but he stops and turns to look at me.

"I hope you had a good time." He says just outside the door."I did." I say shyly. I can barely recognize myself. "Thanks for the cake. I loved it"

"Good." he says and turns to leave.I'm about to close the door when he grabs it.

"Wait!"

I open my mouth to ask what is wrong as he says "Just this one time" takes my face in his hands and kisses me.

It takes me by surprise, but I respond to his kiss. I put my hands around his waist and kiss him like we did so many times in the cave; not with the hunger of the dream, but with tenderness and longing, as if I never wanted this night to end. We kiss for a long time, until Peeta himself breaks us apart.

"I hope your wish comes true." He says with a smile and leaves. I stand there touching my lips and say to myself in a whisper "It just did."

I wash my face, change into my pajamas and get in bed. I hope his kisses, how they felt and the memory of them will bring a good night sleep.

I fall asleep immediately after I close my eyes and start dreaming right away. I'm standing in my meeting place with Gale, but instead of him, Peeta is the one waiting for me, I sit beside him and he looks at me.

"I know this is the place you used to share with Gale. I know that you have many memories with him here, but I want us to make some memories of our own here, too" He says as he moves closer. He touches my cheek and his fingers trace my neck. I can fill the hunger, the fire growing inside me.

This time I don't wait for him. I kiss him as I unbutton my yellow dress; I let it fall off my shoulders and down my waist. Peeta stares, taking in every inch of me. I remove my dress and sit on his lap, when I notice he is completely naked, but this doesn't stop me; in fact, it makes me want him more.

He puts a hand on the ground for balance, as the other cups my breast and my back arches at his touch. I kiss him hard, sucking his lips as he pinches my nipple, making the fire spread inside me.

I push him gently to the ground and look directly into his eyes; I can see my own hunger reflected there. I bend down and kiss him again; he runs his hands down my back, grabbing me and pulling me closer. I trap his body between my legs and position myself on top of him. His body hardens, letting me know how much he wants me, and a moan escapes my lips. He moves slowly back and forward, pressing himself against, teasing me, and taunting us both. The pressure building inside me is unbearable; his movements become quicker, our moaning intensifies and I open my eyes.

I blink rapidly and feel disoriented. I look to the clock on the nightstand, and see it's been an hour since I went to bed. Just a minute ago I was…oh. I cover my eyes with my hands and grunt. I stare at the ceiling, reliving the dream in my head. Out of curiosity, I touch myself between my legs, feeling the wetness through my underwear. I smile thinking about the effect Peeta has on me; turn to the side and bite my lip. What would Peeta think if he knew I felt this way about him? That I dream this way about him? I shake my head and close my eyes; wishing for some sleep, and a dreamless night.


	2. Chapter 2

It's already morning, but it seems like I went to sleep minutes ago. I can feel the warmth of the sun filling up my room, and I stir in bed debating whether I should wake up or not. I lie on my back and open my eyes, and as soon as I do it dawns on me. It's my birthday and I have no father, my mother is gone and Prim…Prim is not here anymore. I am alone, and right now, not even Peeta can make me forget that.

I breathe deeply and get up from the bed, the state of my loneliness still present in my head. I brush my teeth, braid my hair and change into my hunting gear; going through the motions, not letting myself feel. Not yet. I grab my bow and arrows and leave the house. I head to the woods, my movements almost automatic. I get there not knowing how I did, my body guides itself through the routine, since my mind it's shut down, blank. I can't quite concentrate, but I've done this before and with some luck, I manage to hunt two rabbits. I get sick of the woods after a while, my mind still blank, and I head back home. On my way there, I stop at Greasy Sae's house to leave the rabbits. I tell her she doesn't need to cook for me today; I would rather be alone. She asks if I'm ok, or something like that, but I leave without answering. I don't know for how much longer I can keep that pain away and I must get home.

I open the door and close it behind me, not even bothering to lock it, which makes me think that it's no different than any other day, since I never do. I go to my room and change into my pajamas, even though it's probably past noon, maybe later than that. I wander around the house, still shutting away my feelings, looking for a distraction, when the phone rings. I pick it up, thinking it may be Effie with her mindless conversation, which I would welcome right now; but it's not her. Mom calls to wish me a happy birthday, and just like that, at the sound of her voice, I am forced to face that pain I've been shutting away.

We talk and we cry, mostly cry, and she tells me how she wishes she could be with me right now, but the pain of going back to District 12 and our house, would be too much for her.

"So I should just suffer this alone, because apparently it's not painful for me." I think to myself. We say our goodbyes and I hang up. The fact that our conversation comes to an end, the absence of her voice, reminds me once again that I am alone. The tears start falling and I'm unable to control my sobs, I can barely breathe. I walk without direction from the living room to the kitchen and back, not knowing what to do with myself or where to go. There in the kitchen, I see Haymitch's bottle. I open it and drink, swallowing as fast as I can, not wanting to taste the awful flavor. The liquor stings my throat and I gag, but the promise of numbness is too powerful to stop drinking, and I take another gulp.

I walk upstairs, slowly, knowing where I will go next. I stand in front of Prim's bedroom door, and stare at it. I haven't been inside her room since I got back from the Capitol, probably even before that. I open the door, and at the sight of the room, the pain hits me like a blow to the chest. Prim's room, her things, her scent lingers here, and it's too much to take in. My knees buckle and I sink to the floor, spilling the contents of the bottle in the doorway. The alcohol didn't have the effect I had hoped for, because even though my vision is a bit clouded and I can't think straight, the pain of losing my sister is as vivid as in the moment I saw her die.

I lie on the floor for what seems like hours. Eventually, my sobs become steadier, less ragged, and turn into quiet tears. I feel warmness against my body, followed by a hand moving the hair away from my face.

"Katniss"

Peeta is here. I turn to look at him, and I can see there is pain in his eyes, too. He helps me sit up and his arms circle me. I bury my face in his neck. "She's gone Peeta. She's gone." I say, my lips pressed against his skin. "I know. I know." He says in a whisper, and holds me tighter.

He holds me like that, stroking my hair and kissing my forehead. At some point tells me that I should move to the bed and get some rest, that I'll be more comfortable there. "Only if you stay with me" I say half asleep.

He helps me get up and hold on to him, fearing to fall down if I let go. We lie together in bed, his body next to mine, his arm around me. I can feel him breathing, his lips against the back of my neck, and in my dazed, I think about how my body fits so well against his. How we, as broken and damaged and hurt as we are, are like pieces of a puzzle meant to go together, to be together. This makes me smile, and I finally fall asleep.

I am at my old house in The Seam, the house it's empty. It's pitch black and I'm scared, then scent of cinnamon and dill enters the room and melts my fears away.

"Peeta?" I whisper.

"Katniss." he answers back.

All of a sudden he grabs my arms and turns me around, pushing me against the wall, pinning me with his body. His hands are all over my body, grabbing my breast, under my dress and stroking the inside of thighs. He is being rough, careless, and this makes me feel uncomfortable. I try to move, but his hands push me against the wall.

"Stay still" says a voice that does not belong to Peeta. I panic and try to get away from his hold. He grabs both of my hands as I struggle to turn around, and in that moment the room is lit.

"Hello girl on fire. Not who you were expecting, huh?" Cato grins and I stare at his face, unable to move or say a single word. He pushes me hard against the wall once more, and I finally react. I use all my strength to try to get away from him, but he is stronger. He puts my hands behind my back and leans closer. I can feel him breathing on me.

"I can still do this." He whispers in my ear and licks the side of my neck. "Let me go!" I scream, finding my voice. I try to free my arms, but he just holds me tighter, and I scream at the pain and the frustration of it all. He laughs at this, but the laughter turns into a howl, and I can see him, right there before my eyes transforming into one of the horrible mutts that ate his body at the arena. I'm helpless. I try to push hi, kick him, but it's useless. His claws dig into my arms and the pain is unbearable. I try to scream, but no sound comes out. I can't find my voice, I can't get away, and he is going to kill me.

I wake up with a jolt, my mouth open in a scream. I look around the room and realize I'm back the Victor's Village, safe in my room and it was a nightmare. Peeta comes running from downstairs and I can see the concern in his face. He sits on the bed and grabs my shoulders.

"Are you ok? Katniss! What's wrong?" he asks as he shakes me. I push his arms away, and struggle to get to my feet. "You were supposed to be here with me!" I say, and as soon as the words leave my mouth I feel like a stupid little girl. This makes me mad and sad at the same time, and my eyes water immediately. He grabs me by the shoulders again, and pulls me next to him, hugging me. I try to fight him, to push him away, but I feel too tired. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He says holding me tighter, and my anger melts away. I give in, and hold him too. I put my arms around his neck and bury my face there, like I've done so many times before. I take a deep breath and inhale his scent. This awakens something inside me, the hunger I've felt in my dreams; the fire that burns me at night when I think about him, and I know I crave this closeness. I crave him. I need him.

**Thanks to those of you who took the time to read this. It means a lot to me. Chapter 3 coming soon! **


	3. Chapter 3

The boy with the bread, the boy who saved my life; the only person who can save me now. I hold on to him as if I was holding to life itself, and in those few seconds, I see clearly what I've been denying to myself. I don't want to feel sad anymore, I don't want to cry or think about the past. I want to be right here, right now, with him. I want to make new memories of us, because beyond wanting him or giving in to the fire that burns me inside; there is a need to move on, to heal. Suddenly, as s if the answer had always been there, I know what I have to do for me, for both if us.

I feel overwhelmed, scared. It's easier to run away than to face what lies ahead, but I close my eyes and vow to be strong. I owe this much to Peeta, I owe him the truth. I put my hands at each side of his face and look into his eyes. He puts his hands on my wrists, and I can see he is concerned. I wonder how my face looks right now. Can he see what I'm feeling? Does he know that I rather run away and tell him how I feel?

"What's wrong Katniss? Talk to me, please" He says almost in a whisper. He is worried about me.

This frustrates me. "Why can't I just let go?" I think as I close my eyes, and press my forehead against his, trying to clear my head.

"Katniss?" He says my name, and I wonder if I'm scaring him. Everything I do or say seems to have the opposite effect on him.

"Peeta" I say his name, but my voice breaks and it makes things worse. "Katniss please don't cry. Please." He says, taking my face in his hands.

I look at him again, into the same eyes that looked into mine when he said he loved me, and I tell myself I have nothing to fear. I shut down the panic inside me, and lean forward to kiss him. He backs away. I can see his body tense as his hands hold my wrists again. He's not expecting this, and I try not to feel hurt by his reaction. He studies my face, probably looking for something that might explain my actions.

I remember his _words "Is there is something I should know? Something you want me to know? If there is, then you'll have to tell me."_ I close my eyes and swallow hard. I have to speak.

I move closer, his hands still holding my wrists, but he looks at them, as if he had forgotten he was holding them and lets me go. I take his face in my hands once more and kiss him lightly on the lips. I move my body closer to his, trying not to scare him away.

"Katniss…what are you doing? Why are you doing this?" He says. I can tell he is confused.

I kiss him again, this time harder, less afraid. I can feel my courage growing. This time he responds to my kiss, and I feel his body relax. I move on top of him, straddling, kissing him hard; I am in control. His arms circle my waist and he pulls me closer.

He rests his head on my breasts and asks once more "Why are you doing this?" I sense sadness in his voice, and maybe pain. I can't stand the thought of hurting Peeta, and I'm scared again. I put my arms around his neck, holding him tight. I kiss his hair, his neck; moving slowly to his cheeks, making my way to his lips.

"Can't you see? I say as I kiss him. I take his hand and put it over my heart.

"Can you feel this?" I press his hand against my chest, desperately wanting him to feel my heartbeat, fast, my heart racing as if it couldn't take this anymore.

"Can you feel this Peeta? This is you. This is all you." I whisper in his ear, my hand still over his, asking myself if he understands what I'm trying to say.

"I need you so much." My voice breaks again, and I feel like I'm going to burst into tears. "Why can't I just say it?" I scream inside my head. I know this is not what he wants to hear. I know I should say so much more, that I feel so much more, but that's all I can manage to say.

"I…" The word never gets out. Peeta's lips are on mine. He pulls me closer, his lips move to my neck, the hollow of my throat and his hands circle my waist. I run my hands through his hair; I can feel my skin burning where our bodies touch; we are so close...

I move my hands down his back and dig my nails in. He moans softly, and my body trembles at the sound. His mouth moves over mine. He bites my bottom lip, and I moan at the pain. His breathing is ragged, his kisses are desperate, hungry; and I realize he is holding on to life, too.

**Thanks for the reviews! More to come soon ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

The weight of his body on top of mine is something new, and feels nice, right. He kisses the side of my neck, making my whole body aware of his touch. I think about how no dream compares to this moment. I bite my lip at the thought as I run my fingers through his hair.

The heat of our bodies makes his scent stronger. I feel intoxicated, drunken by it, and the hunger inside me grows. I pull his shirt over his head and push him away, so he kneels in front of me. I look at him as if I'm seeing him for the first time. My eyes trace the broadness of his shoulders, the muscles of his arms, the leanness of his stomach; the scars left by the past. "He's perfect." I think as he leans over me. I press my hands against his chest and trace the muscles there, leaving goosebumps wherever my fingers touch. This makes me smile. I enjoy having this effect on him; the same one he has over me.

He moves closer and kisses me and his hands searches under my shirt. I lift my shirt and try to take it off, but his hand stops me.

"Katniss…are you sure about this?" He asks concerned.

"I don't want you to do something you might regret later." He says. I smile at him and wonder if he's scared, maybe I came off too strong. I have to admit, I'm a little scared too.

"I won't. We don't have to…go all the way." I can feel my cheeks burning at the thought of Peeta and I…

Peeta chuckles. "We don't." He leans closer and kisses my forehead then looks directly into my eyes, and I feel my stomach turn. I want more than his kisses.

"We can do other things." I say and take off my shirt. I look into his eyes.

"No need to rush this. We can take our time." I take his hand and place it over my chest, slowly moving it down to my breasts. He cups one, and I arch my back in response, almost instinctively; as if my body had been waiting for this release. He is on top of me now, and I put my arms around his neck. His lips move across my arm. He kisses the scar where my tracker used to be, and moves towards my shoulder, my neck. We kiss. This time our pace is slower, our mouths explore each other.

I can feel between my legs the way his body reacts to my touch. Hard, demanding. I wrap my legs around him, pulling him closer, as if the pressure and the heat could melt our bodies and make us one. I want him closer. I want him to know that every moan, every shiver, every ragged breath is because of him.

His lips leave my mouth and move down my neck again, my chest. He stops. Lips parted, hovering over my breast…so close. I can feel his breath on me. Hot, fast, ragged; just like my own. He leans closer and his mouth closes around my nipple; my whole body shivers. My arms fall to the bed and I grip the sheets as I close my eyes, dizzy, lost in the pleasure of the moment. His tongue pulses against me as he takes his time tasting me, teasing me, moving from one breast to the other.

I put my arms around his neck again, and pull him towards me. I raise my hips and he presses himself against me, harder. I want him, all of him, but my conscience reminds me that we agreed to take it slow. I know this is not enough.

Peeta rolls over and lies on the bed. I kneel in front of him and look into his eyes as I try to unbutton his pants. He seems hesitant for a moment, but I keep going. He sits up and he helps me take his pants off. I can see the length of him through the fabric of his boxers. Every cell in my body is aware of this.

He moves closer and hooks his fingers under the waistband of my pajamas, looking at me expectantly. I smile and touch his hands, giving him permission. We are in our underwear, staring at each other, taking in every detail. His eyes move from my breasts to my stomach, my underwear; and his fingers follow the same path. His hands grab my hips and pull me closer. I look down and notice the wetness between my legs is visible through my underwear. Peeta notices this too.

He bites his lip and presses his thumb against the wet spot, slowly tracing small circles that make my body shiver. I throw my head back as the pressure of his finger on me increases. A vivid image of me on top of Peeta in the woods appears before my eyes. The dream, but now I can make it all real.

I bend down and kiss him. He runs his hands down my back, grabbing me and pulling me closer. I trap his body between my legs and position myself on top of him. Every muscle tenses at the contact of the wetness of my body against the hardness of his. He puts his hands on the bed for support and lifts his hips. The contact between us deepens, making us moan. I rest my hands on his shoulders as I move slowly back and forward, pressing myself against him, teasing him, taunting us both. The pressure building inside me is unbearable; his movements become quicker, the moaning intensifies. Our breaths grow unstable. My vision is cloudy and the world around me disappears. There is only the two of us, and the pressure, the fire, the hunger inside us growing, demanding to be released. I know I can't take this for much longer.

I dig my nails into his shoulders. "Peeta" I moan his name.

He understands my urgency, and thrusts himself harder against me, deeper. I can feel his body tense up as he groans. I gasp. My stomach clenches and my back arches as my whole body trembles as the pressure inside me is released. Our bodies go limp and we flop to the bed tangled in each other's arms. We lie there, unable to speak or move.

My breathing returns back to normal and I move a little to look at him. His eyes are closed, but open as my body moves. I smile at him and he smiles back. I bury my face in his neck and close my eyes. I think about the two of us, lying next to each other after…this, half naked, vulnerable; and realize there's nothing else to hide. I can feel myself dozing off. I press my lips against his ear.

"Peeta?"

"Yes?" He says sounding sleepy too.

"I love you." I whisper in his ear, as I close my eyes and drift off.

**Thank you all for the reviews! I'm so happy you like my story :D **

**Chapter 4 has been the hardest to write so far. I listened to Sia's Breathe Me nonstop for inspiration and it worked! **

**Chaper 5 coming soon! **


	5. Chapter 5

I blink. My eyes adjust to the light in the room and I immediately notice I am alone in bed. I look at the empty space next to me. Peeta is gone, but in his place is a note. I take it and read it.

"_I left before Greasy Sae would see me here."_

I stare at the note, not able to pin point what bothers me about it. Peeta was right about leaving. No one needs to know we spend the night together, and leaving was the smart thing to do, but I can't help feeling a bit annoyed at the message. It's so short, so…dry. Maybe I'm over thinking this. Maybe he had to leave in a rush and wrote only what needed to be said. What needed to be said…

I shake my head and decide not to duel on this anymore. It's only a note, but I can't shake off the emptiness, the feeling of being incomplete. I sit in bed, my back to the empty side of the bed and wonder if I will feel this way from now on whenever he's not around. I hope not.

Maybe feeling this way is normal after all we shared last night. We've shared many nights together, but nothing compares to this. I replay everything in my head and the butterflies attack my stomach. I bite my lip and smile. I told him I loved him and I feel better than I have felt in a long time.

My stomach protests and I realize how hungry I am, but I don't feel like eating. Food is the least of my worries right now. I go to the bathroom and have a quick shower, wrap a towel around myself and I go downstairs. I find breakfast there, but no Greasy Sae, which is great. I don't want to see anyone right now, anyone except Peeta. The butterflies return at the thought of his name. I really need to get a hold of myself.

I grab a piece of toast just to fill the void in my stomach. I sit down to eat and can't help thinking about last night and the implications of my actions. I don't want things between us to change, at least not in an awkward way. I want things to be as natural as possible, with the added benefit of Peeta knowing I love him and whatever perks I get from that. I shake my head and laugh. There's no way things will be as they were before, but I have a feeling they'll be better, not because of the added perks, but because there are no secrets between us anymore.

I clean my plate and head to my room and stop at the doorway, staring at my bed. Messy, sheets all over the place, evidence that what happened here last night was real. The way he held me, the kisses, the touches, the words I said. "I love you." I say out loud. I love him and I know I have since the beginning. Since the cave, since the train, since I thought I had lost him. The toast does a summersault inside my stomach. I feel a little light headed and sit on the bed.

"I love him and he loves me too." I say, but it makes everything worse. I feel anxious and giddy at the same time. The room becomes stuffy and I know staying here won't do me any good. I need to see Peeta.

The clothing selection inside my closet does not help the situation at all, and I make a mental note to buy some pants and shirts. There is no way I'll wear a dress every single day, but for today and until I go shopping, a dress will have to do.

I choose a white summer dress, a light blue cardigan and the leather flats I wore on my birthday dinner. I look at myself in the mirror and decide my hair is decent enough to be down. I keep staring at myself, and reflected in the mirror, I see Peeta's hands all over me, his body against mine. I close my eyes at the thought and smile. "This has to stop!" I say to myself still looking at the mirror, and head to Peeta's house.

The door to his house might as well be on fire, since I cannot get myself to grab the doorknob and just open door. I've been standing here for like seem hours. I'll probably been here less than two minutes and I'm ready to go back home. I turn my back to the door and take a few steps, but curse under my breath and turn around again. I knock three times and wait for a response.

"It's open" Peeta yells from inside. I take a deep breath, open the door, and step in.

I can hear noises coming from the kitchen, pots and pans being moved around, and head there. I stand in the kitchen, his back to me while he works on something I can't see. He doesn't turn around to see who actually came in and I'm forced to speak first.

"Hi" I say, my voice coming out a lot softer than I intended it to. He turns around and his eyes widen in surprise. I can see his cheeks turn a little red.

"Hi" He answers back as he wipes his hands on his apron and takes it off.

We both stand there, staring awkwardly at each other, neither of us knowing what to do or say. This takes me by surprise and for a second I worry about things being this way from now on, but Peeta shakes his head and walks towards me, and I decide not to panic.

My stomach turns in anticipation of his embrace or the promise of a kiss, just like the ones we shared last night.

Peeta is in front of me now, smiling. He moves forward and kisses…my cheek. _"My cheek?"_ I scream confused inside my head. I'm stunned, unable to move or return the kiss. I was certainly not expecting this reaction.

He looks at me and gives me small smile, and goes back to work on whatever he was working before. This is not going as I had imagined.

I take a deep breath, and sit at the table. _"Maybe things are supposed to be awkward between us for a while. Maybe this is completely normal."_ I think "Um did you leave really early?" I ask, trying to make some conversation.

"Yes. It was still dark outside." He answers not even looking at me. Silence fills the room and minutes pass, neither of us say anything. I don't understand what is wrong. Why is Peeta acting this way?

"Is there a problem?" I ask.

No answer.

"Peeta?"

"I'm just a bit tired. I…didn't sleep well last night." He says looking over his shoulder and going back to his work.

"Forget it. I don't know why I even bothered coming over." I say as I get up from the table.

"What? What did I do wrong now?" He says frowning, sounding almost scared.

I blink fast, forcing my body to move. I can feel anger building inside me. After all that was said and done, I expected a different reaction from him. For a second I think that maybe he is as scared as I was at home, and I'm probably overreacting, but I quickly shut down the thought. I am a bit angry and I have every right to be.

I take a deep breath and look at him, not knowing exactly how to handle this or what will come out of my mouth."I…I don't know Peeta. I guess after everything that happened last night, things would be different between us." I say defensively.

His face hardens. He goes from looking scared, to looking extremely serious, maybe even angry. "Why? Why are things different now?" He says in a tone that bothers me.

I frown in confusion and disbelief. "Are you serious?" I asked sounding angry too.

"We were together" I say, trying to control my emotions.

"I know" He says, his face still wearing the same expression he had before.

"You know? You know! What kind of answer is that?" My anger keeps building up. I cannot believe this.

I clench my fists and move closer to him. Tears prickle my eyes, but I hold them back.

"I told you I loved you." I say, my eyes looking into his. I can see the color rising in his face. His nostrils flare and I know he is angry too.

"You did Katniss. You told me you loved me. Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting to hear that? Have you ever thought for how long I've dreamed of doing what we did last night?" He says trying to steady his voice.

"And we did!" I say louder than I intend too. "I don't see the problem Peeta."

For a moment he looks hurt, but he manages to change his expression.

"I stayed with you because you needed me and I didn't care about doing whatever it took to make you feel better, but the problem is Katniss that I was not expecting to hear that from you last night. God knows that's all I ever wanted to hear, but I want to hear those words while you are yourself. I want you to really mean them. That is the problem." He turns his back at me, hiding his face and the tears in his eyes.

I'm paralyzed again, trying to process Peeta's words. _"Whatever it took to make me feel better? Hear those words while I'm being myself?" _I rummage through my brain, trying to replay everything that happened last night. What does he mean?

"Be myself?" I ask.

"Katniss" He says turning around, his eyes to the floor, shoulders slumped. He looks defeated.

"It was your birthday…" I keep replaying last night inside my head, muting out Peeta's words."You were in pain and I don't blame you for wanting to feel better…" I close my eyes and mute out his words again.

"_He held me while I cried. He got there and I was on the floor. I went upstairs and he found me inside Prim's room…Prim's room_." I think, fear growing inside me. I open my eyes and allow myself to listen to him as I try to blink back the tears.

"I saw it spilled on the floor. I cleaned it up and when you woke up I…" He stops talking and my whole body goes numb. I cannot stop the tears anymore.

"_Prim's room. Haymitch's bottle next to me. The alcohol spilled on the floor."_ I imagine the earth opening and swallowing me whole, and even after that, the pain that I feel right now would not disappear.

"You what Peeta?" I manage to say.

"I could still smell it on your breath" He sighs and moves closer to me."I can't bear to see you in pain. I wanted to be there for you and I think I was, but when you told me you loved me…I was not expecting that not last night." His eyes are red and flooded with tears. "It hurt." He says almost in a whisper.

I open my mouth to speak, but a sob escapes instead."Katniss" Peeta says as he tries to hold my hand, but I push him away.

"Don't touch me." I say defiantly. At this moment, I can't help hating him.

"Is that what you think I did? That I got drunk?"

"I never said you were drunk! I only meant that you were not yourself Katniss!" He says. I can see he is trying to control himself and remain calm. I ignore his words.

"That I drank my pain away and opened my legs so you could make it go away?" I am screaming at this point."That's a new low for me Peeta." I say wiping my nose on the sleeve of the cardigan.

"The whore in pain" I try to laugh, but it comes out as mix between a sob and a snort.

"You got farther than Gale ever did" I can see the pain in his eyes as I say this, but I don't care.

Peeta wipes the tears from his face. "That's not…that's not what I think of you at all and you know it."

"Oh and what do you think Peeta!" I scream at him and he loses it.

"Can you stop and listen to me for a second? He yells. "What was I supposed to think Katniss? Huh? Put yourself in my shoes! Have you ever done that? Do you ever stop and think about how _I _feel?" He is panting, angry, hurt.

I stare at him. A part of me knows that there is some truth to what he says, that he has all the right to be confused, but that part of me is not in control right now.

"Go to hell Peeta." I say and leave.

**Let me know what you think. Thanks again for the reviews! They really make my day and inspire me to write more. This chapter comes to you thanks in part to Adele's version of Lovesong and Prague by Damien Rice. ;)**


	6. Chapter 6

Tears cloud my vision, but somehow I manage to make it home. I open the door and lock it. "_He can go to hell. They can all go to hell." _I think and my knees give away. My body aches and crying makes it hard to breathe. I stay there, lying on the floor, my back to the door. I feel so small, so exposed; vulnerable. I wonder if this is how it feels to have your heart broken. I have never let my guard down like this, and I hate myself for doing so_. "I shouldn't have said anything. What good came from that?"_ I think. Yesterday was too intense and just when I resolve to move on and try to heal, today happens. I don't want to think about it anymore, just lie here and let the hours pass.

I block everything else and concentrate on the rays of sun, how they move from one side of the room to the other as the hours go by. The light gets dimmer as time passes, and my tears stop. I fall asleep. No nightmares this time. Lucky me.

Someone knocks on the door and I wake up startled. Silence, then the person knocks again.

"Katniss"

Peeta. I don't say anything. A mix of anger and longing rises inside me. _"What the hell is he doing here?"_

"Katniss please open the door." He knocks again, but I stay quiet.

Silence again. Minutes go by. I am about to get up and see if he left, when I feel something bump against the door. I stay where I am, dead silent, but slowly the silence is broken by the muffled sound of Peeta crying.

A thousand emotions pass through me. I want to open the door and take him in my arms and tell him that I am sorry, that I know he didn't mean to hurt me, that I understand that he is confused; that I love him. That is what Peeta would do. He would forget his anger and hold me and everything would go away. _"Stop it! Stop that now!" _Tears fill my eyes and fall down my face, but I don't move. I'm hurt and angry, and a part of me feels satisfied that he is hurting too; content that he is outside my door and I don't have to be on my own, that the pain I feel is big enough for both of us. _"What kind of monster am I?"_ I think, but there's no answer. Not even I know how broken I am.

At some point Peeta stops crying, and silence creeps on me. I'm afraid. _"Since when silence scares you so much" _I ask myself, but it's not silence what scares me. What scares me is the idea that loneliness is filled with silence, and I don't want to be alone.

I wonder if he left. I sit up and silently move closer to the door. I press my temple against it and touch the wood with my hand, as if the warmness of his body could seep through it and tell me he is there, but of course, I don't feel anything.

The silence is broken by steps outside. I sit up straight and listen_. "Did he leave and I just didn't notice? Is he back?"_

"What are you doing here boy?" It's Greasy Sae's voice.

"I've been waiting for Katniss, but she won't open the door." Peeta says in a small voice.

"How long have you been here?" Peeta doesn't say anything.

"Did you two get into a fight? Greasy asks, but there's no answer from Peeta.

"Go home and get some rest boy. She'll come around. You'll see."

Peeta bumps against the door again and sighs.

"Do you want some dinner? I brought enough food for both of you." She tells Peeta.

"No thanks, that's ok." He says. I listen as he walks away and a knot forms in my throat.

"Poor lad" Sighs Greasy and knocks on my door. I don't answer and she leaves.

Greasy Sae's words make me angry. Why poor lad? She doesn't even know what happened and it's already on Peeta's side.

Peeta. I think about him sitting outside my door, crying, waiting for me; and my eyes fill with tears again. This day has been too much, I've felt too much and all I want to do right now is sleep, sleep and dream of nothing. I get up from the floor and go to the kitchen. I rummage through the cupboard and find my mom's sleep serum. I take it with me and go to my room, thinking that maybe a hot shower will help.

I shower and hear the phone ringing as I get dressed. I don't think about it twice and run downstairs to pick it up.

"Katniss" It's Peeta. I hang up and go back to my room. The sound of his voice makes the butterflies return to my stomach, but I ignore them. I grab the bottle of sleep serum and drink from it. I'm grateful to have this; no nightmares tonight. I try to clear my head and not think about Peeta, but deep inside I can't help wishing he was here with me.

The pain from hunger wakes me up and I remember I barely ate yesterday. I feel better than I did hours ago, not as emotional or sad, but not great either, just better. I get up from bed and go downstairs. No breakfast; I remember I locked the door and there was no way for Greasy Sae to get in. I curse under my breath; there is no food in the house. Sure I hunt, but all this time I've relied on Greasy Sae and Peeta for cooking and never cared about keeping food in the house. This irritates me. There's no way I'm asking Peeta for bread, and I feel kind of embarrassed for locking the door and leaving Greasy out, so I won't ask her for food. I don't feel like going to the Hob either, which leaves hunting and maybe gathering some stuff in the woods.

I change into my hunting gear and open the door to leave. Right outside my door I see a basket, its contents covered with cloth. I kneel and remove the fabric. Inside there are freshly baked cheese buns, and my stomach protests at the sight. I stand up and look around; there is no one in sight. I walk away and leave them there. _"I hope he's watching. He is so wrong if he thinks he can buy me with cheese buns."_ I think cynically, but the reasonable Katniss thinks he knows I probably have nothing to eat, and there's no hidden meaning behind his gesture, but I ignore her once more.

I spend the day at the woods. I get a decent haul and gather some roots and greens; no squirrels. I cook a rabbit for myself along with roots and greens, and eat as I look to the lake; not thinking about anything or anyone, feeling almost peaceful. I needed this.

I make my way back to the Victor's Village and stop at Greasy's house to leave the rest of my haul. She's outside, watering the plants around her house.

"I brought you some rabbits." I say with a smile, getting the rabbits out the game bag and showing her to them.

"Good. I think I'll make a rabbit stew for supper." She grabs them and puts them on the ground.

"I locked the door last night and forgot to unlock it in the morning. Sorry about that." I say sheepishly.

"It's ok girl. I imagined you had your reasons." She says looking at me.

"I did."

"Peeta was waiting outside you know." She continues to water her plants.

I can feel my face turning red at the mention of his name. "He was? Well, that's his problem, I didn't ask him to wait." I say not looking at her.

She chuckles. "I don't know what that boy did, but I don't think it could have been _that_ bad. He loves you."

"Again, that is his problem." This time I look at her as I say this.

"Don't break his heart Katniss." She says in a tone that makes me feel guilty. Her words rub me the wrong way. I don't need her to tell me what I can and can't do.

"What about my heart?" I answer defensively and turn to leave.

"See you for supper girl" She yells and I keep waking.

I stop in my tracks when I see Peeta walking to Haymitch's house, but he doesn't see me. As soon as he goes in, I run and go home. I notice the basket of cheese buns is gone. I get in and lock the door again, just in case he decides to stop here, although I doubt he will.

I'm not ready to see him or talk to him yet, so I call Greasy Sae and tell her I have some food left from the woods in my game bag, which I don't, and I'll skip supper tonight.

"I'm going to lock the door tonight. Can I go over to your house in the morning and have breakfast there?" I ask shyly.

"Sure, whatever you want girl."

"Thanks. See you tomorrow then." I say and hang up.

"_Another hungry night"_ I think and go upstairs to shower.

I change into my pajamas, even though it's not dark outside. The phone rings, but I ignore it. Whoever it is, I don't feel like talking to anyone. I rub my temples and feel a headache coming on, so I go downstairs to grab a glass of water and an aspirin.

Someone knocks on the door and my stomach turns.

Silence. Another knock, then silence again. I walk as fast and quiet as possible to the window and peek through the curtain. I see Peeta walking away and my heart skips a beat.

I sit on the couch and hug my knees to my chest. I breathe deeply and close my eyes, thinking about everything that happened the night of my birthday, how things were almost perfect. I think about what happened the next day, and repeat over and over the same words, how he feels I never put myself in his shoes_._ The knot in my throat returns._ "How would I feel if I loved him for so long and one night, out of the blue, he tells me he loves me?" _I ask myself, but stop before I can answer the question; I probably won't like the answer.

He said I never think about how he feels. _"He's wrong."_ I think and get up from the couch, suddenly tired of thinking. The hunt probably contributed to my fatigue, so I go upstairs and get in bed. I see the sleep serum on my nightstand and drink from the bottle again. This, combined with the aspirin will ensure I don't wake up all night, or dream about anything.

When I wake up my whole body aches and it's hard to move my limbs. I look at the clock on my nightstand and see it's almost noon. I remind myself never to mix aspirins and sleeping serum again. I get up from bed and go straight to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. I don't feel like showering, so I walk to the closet and grab one of the countless sundresses I have there; a green one this time.

My hair is a mess. I braid it, put on my flats and head to Greasy Sae's house. I hope there is some leftover breakfast or she already has lunch ready. I'm starving.

I knock on her door and she tells me to come in. I head to the kitchen, but stop before I even get there. Peeta is here too.

**Thanks for the reviews and for adding my story to your favorites! Now I feel like I **_**really**_** need to deliver! Not a very eventful chapter, but I didn't want to keep you waiting. It was hard moving away from the fight, but music always comes to my rescue and after hours and hours of listening to Sia's I Go To Sleep (even when I went to sleep!) I was finally inspired enough to write this. Chapter 7 coming soon!**


	7. Chapter 7

My heart pounds inside my chest. I open my mouth to speak, but the words don't come out. I can feel myself blushing, my ears turning red from the surprise and now the embarrassment of being speechless. I don't need this and turn to leave.

"No, don't go." Peeta says. I turn around again, my eyes fixed on Greasy Sae. "I was about to leave anyway. See you later." He says to Greasy.

His eyes don't even acknowledge my presence as he walks past me and leaves. _"He didn't even look at me."_ I think. _"Well, isn't that what you wanted?"_ A pang of yearning and guilt shots through me. I swallow hard and sit at the table.

"Are you hungry?" Sae asks.

"Very" I answer not looking at her.

"Still mad at the boy?" Asks Greasy, as she puts rabbit stew and bread on the table.

"I don't want to talk about it." I say looking intently at the stew, avoiding her gaze.

"Fair enough." She says, and goes back to her cooking.

I eat in silence, neither of us talking. Minutes go by and my throat closes. I'm hungry, but have no desire to eat. _"He ignored me." _I think as I try to swallow a piece of bread. I'm annoyed with myself. _"Why do I even care?"_ I'm done eating, my appetite is completely gone. I walk to the sink and wash my dish.

"Thanks for everything." I tell Greasy as I dry my hands on a kitchen towel.

"Are you coming over for supper?" She asks looking at me over her shoulder.

I hesitate. "I…I'll call you first." I say, still not sure of what I actually plan to do.

She nods and goes back to her cooking. "Oh, could you give this to Haymitch?" She hands me a pot with warm stew and several rolls inside a bowl.

"Sure. No problem." I take the food and leave.

Once outside I immediately worry about Peeta being over there. _"What if she sent me because he will be there? Why didn't she ask Peeta?"_ I even think about turning back and telling her I can't take this to Haymitch's. _"You are paranoid. Stop it."_ I take a deep breath and walk to his house.

Once on his front door I balance the pot and bowl in one hand and knock on the door with the other. No answer. "Haymitch!" I yell. Still no answer, I turn the doorknob and open the door. No surprise there. I go inside and straight to the kitchen. Haymitch is asleep at the table and holding a bottle of liquor. No surprise there either.

There's no one else in the house and I feel relieved. I take the bottle and put it on the counter, away from him, then shake him.

"Haymitch wake up. Haymitch!" I have no patience for this.

He sits up straight and apparently the sunlight in the kitchen is too much for him. He puts his head in his hands and grunts. I try not to laugh as I get his food ready.

"Hey sweetheart. It's so good to see you" he says sarcastically. I roll my eyes.

"Greasy Sae sent you rabbit stew. Here, eat something." I say putting the food in front of him. We stay there, in silence, as he eats and comes back to the world of the living. I get up to fetch him a glass of water, and it seems he is now alive enough to start talking.

"I hear there's trouble in paradise."

"What?" I put the water on the table. He grimaces. The way he looks at it, it might as well be poison.

"Peeta was here yesterday." He eats a mouthful of stew and raises his eyebrows looking at me.

I sit down and try to remain calm, expressionless. "And what did he tell you?"

"Oh not much, he didn't want to give me any details." This peaks my interest and Haymitch notices it. "Surprised? Come on sweetheart. You know Peeta is a gentleman."

I snort.

He looks at me, almost offended. "You know he is. However…"

"What?" I say exasperated, unable to hide my emotions any longer.

"He did say he screwed up." He looks at me, waiting for my reaction.

"Well, he is right." I say sounding very self-righteous.

Haymitch puts down his spoon, crosses his arms and looks at me. "Somehow I have a hard time believing it was his fault." He says, serious.

Anger shots through and I hit the table with my fist, tiny drops of water splash onto the wood. "Come on Haymitch! He tells you he screws up and it happens to be my fault? You don't even know what the hell happened!" I scream at him.

"Calm down sweetheart. I never said it was your fault." He smiles at me. I fell for it and feel embarrassed now.

"Well are you going to tell me?" He asks going back to his food.

"I won't give you any details either" I protest.

"Oh just tell me the gist of it. Go ahead." He mumbles through a mouthful of stew.

I don't know when exactly I decided talking to Haymitch about matters of the heart was a good idea, but the truth is I need to talk to someone and Haymicth knows me well, and he knows Peeta too. This does nothing to help my embarrassment, nor makes things easier. I've never been good with words.

I swallow hard and open my mouth. "I told him I loved him." The words come out in a rush.

"And?" He asks unimpressed.

"He thought I was drunk." I say, not looking at him. I can feel the color rising in my face.

Haymitch stays quiet, probably thinking about how bizarre this sounds.

"Did he tell you exactly that? With those exacts words?" I look at him confused. "It doesn't sound like Peeta at all." He says shaking his head.

"No?" I don't understand where he is going with this. "He mentioned how I…I had been drinking."

"Well, were you?" Haymitch asks with interest.

"I…I drank a little, but I wasn't drunk!" I say annoyed.

"So the boy made a mistake."

"He said other things too." I add. "Such as?" Haymitch raises his eyebrows, urging me to talk.

"He implied I used him."

"Wouldn't be the first time" Haymitch says quietly. His answer shocks me and I feel somewhat betrayed. Just like Greasy Sae, he too takes Peeta's side.

I get up from the table and walk to the door. "Oh comeback! Come on, sit down."

I stop at the door. "Do you want me to lie to you?" He asks.

I go back to the kitchen and sit at the table again, not looking at Haymitch.

"I'll be honest with you sweetheart and you won't like it, but that's why you're here, right?"

I take a deep breath, my eyes fix on the table.

"You are mad at him because he felt you used him and didn't believe you when you told him you loved him." I listen to Haymitch, not saying a word.

"This is Peeta we're talking about. The boy has been in love with you for God knows how long and has been waiting for you for just as long, and you are mad at him because he doesn't believe you? Even you can't be that thick headed sweetheart."

I look at him.

"You are smarter than that." He adds. This falls on me like bucket of icy water, but I don't say anything.

"And you are so ready to cut him off and toss him aside just because he made a mistake? Because he is confused?" I swallow hard.

"Do you really blame him for that? He waits for my answer.

"Of course you don't. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here listening to me."

I shoot him a furious look. Anger consumes me and this time I get up from the table with every intention of leaving.

"You know what sweetheart?" I stop and listen, my back to him. "You think that boy will wait for you forever, and he probably will. I wish he wouldn't though."

I turn back and glare at him.

"I told you before, you could live a hundred lifetimes and don't deserve him."

His words cut through me like a knife, but I don't say anything, and leave.

**No work today, so I had time to write this ;) Once again, thanks for all the reviews and for adding my story to your favorites. This is my first fan fiction ever (and the first time people read something I wrote) and your feedback means the world to me. Let me know what you think. Chapter 8 coming soon!**


	8. Chapter 8

The light outside gets dimmer as the minutes goes by. I lie in bed replaying over and over my conversation with Haymitch. I wanted to be mad at him, and I was, but there is no point. He is right and I hate to admit it. I wanted to be mad at Greasy Sae for not minding her own business, but she cares about us. And I wanted to be mad at Peeta, for hurting me, but he was as hurt as I was. I see that now, maybe I saw it that day too, but it was easier to close myself again and runaway.

It would be easier. If I could just erase everything I feel and go away, start over. I can't help imagining how would it feel to be someone else, to be another girl in another district, living another life; or still be me, living a life with no Hunger Games. How would it be? Would Peeta talk to me? Would he ever tell me he loves me? Or would he go on living his life and never say anything? And who would I love?

"_Probably Gale"_ The thought alone makes me feel uncomfortable. The games did happen, I'm not living another girl's life and my heart belongs to someone else.

I turn on my back and look at the ceiling. _"Wouldn't be the first time"_ Haymitch's words were harsh, but true. I used Peeta in the past. I pretended to be in love with him once... _"Was I really pretending?"_ I ask myself. Why would he think it was any different this time?

I curl up in bed and think about the time I thought I had lost Peeta, how I let him go and how he came back to me. I won't be able to do it now. I can't let him go. I can't lose him again. .

If I could only go to his house and apologize it would all be over; if he forgives me, that is. I've hurt him enough for him to hate me, and yet he doesn't. He even came by and tried talking to me…and I pushed him away.

Night falls and I'm still here, curled up in bed thinking how to go back to what we had. Even before this mess we had something, we had each other. What do we have now and what can I save before it's too late? One way or another I need to make my way back to Peeta. I'm back at square one.

My stomach grumbles and the pain of hunger takes me away from my thoughts. I realize the room is in complete darkness. How many hours have I been here?

I get up from bed to turn on the light and remember I was supposed to call Greasy Sae. I go downstairs and dial her number. _"Maybe Peeta will be there"_ I feel the butterflies again.

"Hey. It's me"

"Are you coming over for supper?" She asks. I bite my lip.

"Are you…alone?" I ask in a quiet voice.

"Peeta came by a couple of hours ago if that is what you're asking. I don't think he'll be back tonight."

Disappointment washes over me "It's ok. I'm not hungry anyway." I lie.

"I'll leave the door unlocked tonight." I say.

"Sleep well girl."

I thank her and hang up. Until that phone call, I hadn't realized how much I wanted to see him, even if he ignored me like he did this morning. Maybe I deserved that.

The house feels too big and lonely. I go my room, turn off the light and go straight to bed. I think about the bottle of sleep serum, still on my nightstand, but decide not to drink from it tonight. I want to take a chance and go to sleep thinking about him, right here with me, his arms around me, protecting me from the nightmares that hunt my nights.

And sure enough, I dream about Peeta

I'm in the woods and see them not too far from me. Two naked bodies tangled, lying on a bed of moss. I walk towards them, trying not to make a sound, and notice the woods are in complete silence, except for the moans coming from them. Her body hides his face, but I know that is Peeta trapped under her legs. I hide behind a tree, watching them; my breathing becomes ragged as I get closer.

I can't take my eyes from them. The way her dark hair falls down her back like a cascade, how her back arches every time her hips move against him, the way his hands trace the curve of her breasts, and push her closer to him, deeper. Her dark hair reminds me of my own_ "That is…me."_ My eyes widen in surprise and heat spreads through my body. We never got that far, and I feel a pang of envy towards the Katniss of my dream. I get closer. My lips part, I'm mesmerized by the rhythm of our bodies, skin against skin. I want to see his face while he is inside me. I want to see myself the way he sees me.

His eyes are closed. He breathes hard, making low sounds in his throat that make me hungry for his touch. _"I need to get closer"_ I whisper by mistake, making her aware of my presence. Her eyes fix on me and hold me where I stand watching, unable to move. Clove grins at me as she slashes Peeta with her knife.

A silent scream is caught in my throat. Peeta. The blood gushing from his wound; her terrible grin before she makes the final move. My mind orders my body to react, to gag at the image, but my I'm paralyzed, as if her eyes still had power over me.

"_It was a nightmare! It was a nightmare!"_ I hear the screams inside my head and blink. My eyes scan my surroundings and I realize where I am, breaking the hold of her glare. I repeat to myself that it was just a nightmare. I'm in my room. Peeta is at his house, safe.

Finally my breathing goes back to normal and I sit in bed. I should have drunk the sleeping serum. _"Taking a chance"_ I laugh at my own stupidity; as if I could control my dreams.

A heavy sigh escapes my lips. I close my eyes, thinking how the nightmare started. I feel my body tingle at the thought of Peeta's body; the way his muscles flexed under her weight, how his face contorted with pleasure, how he touched her. Her. The thought alone makes my body burn with a different fever. Jealousy. I want to be the only one he touches, the only one he kisses. He is mine.

I pace the room. _"Jealous of Clove?"_ The whole thing is completely irrational. Clove is dead…but there are others. Any girl would be lucky to have Peeta fall in love with her.

"_You could live a hundred lifetimes and don't deserve him"_ Haymitch's words ring in my ears. Peeta deserves someone better, someone who won't lie or use him. He deserves someone who thinks the sun rises and sets on him, someone who loves him.

"_Someone like me"_ I tell myself. Does this make me selfish? I guess, but I dismiss it. I love him. I'm going to prove Haymitch wrong. I am going to prove Peeta wrong. I can put myself in his shoes. I can understand how he feels. I love him and he needs to know it's true. _"I need to tell him."_

I take a look outside the window and see the night is unusually dark. No moonlight. I take this as a sign, no one will see me, and even if they do, right now I couldn't care less.

I grab my hunting jacket and put it over the green sundress, the same one I've been wearing since yesterday. The house is in complete darkness, but I don't dare turn on the lights in case the brightness makes me come back to my senses. I manage to get downstairs in one piece. My hand grabs the doorknob and I hesitate for a minute. I close my eyes and open the door. _"There's no going back"_ I tell myself as I step outside in the middle of the night and make my way to Peeta's house.

**Thanks again for the reviews, for adding my story to your favorites and for all the alerts! They really make my day :D This chapter is a bit slow, but we are getting there (I want them to make up too!) Let me know what you think. I really appreciate the feedback. I won't be home during the weekend and probably will not update until next week, but I'm working on Chapter 9 Coming Soon! **


	9. Chapter 9

Peeta's house is in complete darkness, except for the light coming from his room. The house looks intimidating from outside, but I assume that's normal, given what I'm about to do. This could go really _really_ well, or horribly wrong.

This is completely insane. I walk up to the door and turn the doorknob. Unlocked.

An unlocked door and a dark night; two good signs that I'm supposed to do this, or so I tell myself. I'm glad our houses are the same on the inside, I'll have to go upstairs through the same darkness I had back home.

I find the stairs. I touch the walls and hold on to the handrails, until I make it to the second floor. His door is ajar, a dim light seeps through the small opening. I take a deep breath and step in.

The door squeaks and I freeze, but he doesn't move. A lamp on his nightstand illuminates the room, casting shadows everywhere. I take small steps, trying not to make a sound.

The night is unusually silent, I can hear the war inside my stomach between the pain of the hunger I've been ignoring and the butterflies that attack every time Peeta comes to mind, except right now he's right in front of me, sleeping. I ignore both and walk as silently as possible, not wanting to scare him, until I stand next to his bed.

Peeta lies on the bed, his back to the door. A thick blanket covers his legs and up to his waist. He is shirtless, and even in the dim light, I notice the muscles on his back…his strong arms.

I move to the end of the bed and watch him sleep. He looks tense, uncomfortable; as if his body is being forced to sleep against his will. From here, I notice something on his nightstand. I squint, trying to make out the shape, but it's hidden under the shadows cast by the lamp. A hint of orange peaks my curiosity and I move closer.

A bottle. I grab it and recognized it at once. I had one of these, but its contents disappeared long ago; or better said, I took them all long ago. Sleeping pills; prescribed by Dr. Aurelius. Peeta never mentioned taking these.

I put the bottle back on the nightstand and sit on the edge of the bed, not longer worried about scaring him or waking him up; these knock you out pretty bad. No wonder his body looks so stiff.

Disappointment and relief hit me both at once. I wanted to do this tonight. I needed to this tonight while I had the courage, even though I was a bit scared.

I run my hand through his hair. "Why do you have to make this harder than it is?" I ask a sleeping Peeta. "I wanted to be done with this tonight you know." I sigh. My hand traces the back of his neck, down to his shoulders, his arms.

There's a faint scent of cinnamon and dill, Peeta's scent. I breathe it in and make my way back to his hair. I stroke his cheek and run my fingers along his jaw line, the soft skin of his lips.

As if by instinct, my own lips part. I close the space between us, and kiss him, a part of me wishes the kiss wakes him up.

A small tremor runs through his body. I panic and sit up straight in bed. _"Is he waking up?"_

I wait, but nothing happens.

Peeta is still asleep, his body as rigid as before. Out of the corner of my eye I notice the bottle of sleeping pills reminding me that Peeta is gone for the night, there's no way he is waking up.

My heartbeat goes back to normal and I relax enough to sit closer to him. _"This is Peeta. Why have I been so scared all this time? Why am I scared now?"_ Precisely because of that, this is Peeta. I have no defenses against him, and I know he is the only person who can either make me happy or hurt me the most. Knowing someone has that power over you, knowing that he has that power over me is nothing but scary.

There is enough space for me to lie next to him, and I do. I get as close as I can, our noses almost touching; our breaths becoming one every time we breathe. I take his arm and place it over my waist, the same way he did so many times before.

I revisit our days in the train, but those memories seem to belong to a past that happened long ago, between another Katniss and another Peeta; sadness washes over me. _"We've changed"_ I think, longing for the past.

Out of nowhere, the memory of my birthday comes to mind. Yes, we've changed, but we are still here, we have new memories and we can make many more. This does it.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I say to Peeta, as if he could hear me. "I…I lost it that day. You have no idea how hard was telling you how I felt, and when you didn't believe me…" I swallow hard, forcing myself not to cry. I'm tired of tears.

"But I understand why you didn't believe me and you are wrong. You are so wrong! I do care about how you feel. That's why I'm here."

"I love you" I say in a whisper. "And I was too scared to tell you, I was afraid of admitting to myself, but I'm not scared anymore…at least not right now" _"while you are sleeping"_ I add in my head. "I love you and you have to believe me." I plead and kiss him again. We stay like this, close to each other, the weight of his arm over me, until I can't fight sleep anymore and close my eyes.

* * *

I can feel the light through my eyelids. It seems I've been here only minutes, but the warm light on my face tells me it has been longer. _"It's morning"_ I open my eyes in shock and a blue flash passes before my eyes. I blink, trying to adjust my vision. Just seconds ago I swear I saw Peeta's eyes staring back at me.

I sit up in bed, and watch him. He looks as rigid and uncomfortable as before; he is still asleep. I get up from bed and look outside.

"_How long have I been here?"_

I take one last look at Peeta, making sure he still asleep before I take off.

**Chapter 9 Peeta's Point of View **

I've been tossing and turning in bed for at least two hours, unable to sleep, just like I couldn't sleep the night before, or the night before that. This whole misunderstanding with Katniss is driving me crazy, and the fact the she won't talk to me makes everything worse.

Who am I kidding, talk? She won't even be in the same room with me.

The scene this morning at Greasy Sae's house replays in my head, how she was about to leave the moment she saw me. If I could only go back to the morning she went to my house after we…I shouldn't have said anything. I was mad, confused, angry, and I was stupid. I should have known better.

Katniss has told me over and over how she is not good with words. She would have never said…what she said if she didn't mean it.

I screwed up. I was taken aback by her words, I refused to believe them. I told myself again and again that it was the alcohol; that she wasn't herself. What an ass. I hurt her and she hates me for it. Now she won't listen to me. There's no point in trying anymore; that would only make her angrier.

I just need to suck it up and _"wait for her. She'll come around"_ Haymitch's voice says inside my head. That's what I should do, but every night I fantasize about what I would say to her, how we would make up. The scene is always different; at her house, in the woods…in my bedroom, but the words are always the same.

I won't push her, but if she would listen to me, at least for a minute, I would tell her how sorry I am. I would tell her I believe her, I believe her and I love her and I can't stand being away from her; it was hard before, and after we…I can't even say it.

I try not to think about that night. Not being able to touch her, to kiss her; it has been unbearable. I would tell her how much I need her. _"Saying all that would take more than a minute"_ I try to joke without success. I just need to get some sleep and not think about any of this.

Yeah. I really suck at sucking it up.

There's only one way I can sleep all night; the pills. Right after I came back from the Capitol, Dr. Aurelius gave me some sleeping pills. I used them once or twice, but avoid them as much as I can. The feeling of numbness after taking them reminds me of things I rather forget, but I haven't slept in two nights.

I turn on the lamp next to my bed, grab a flashlight I keep inside the nightstand drawer and go downstairs. There is something about bright lights in the middle of the night, just like the numbness of the pills; they remind me of things I don't want to think about. I prefer the flashlight.

Inside the cupboard, way to the back, I find the orange bottle. I don't even bother grabbing a glass of water and head back upstairs.

As I'm about to go inside my room, I hear a sound coming from the door. I turn off the flashlight, move closer to the stairs and wait.

The door opens, and in the dark, helped by dim light of the lamp post outside, I see a figure coming inside. Dark hair, a hint of green, barely visible, _"the green sundress"_ I think. Katniss.

I sprint into my room trying not to make a sound. I get under the covers, the bottle of pills still in my hand. My heart races; I put the bottle on the nightstand and stand still. _"Think. Think. Think"_

A million questions bombard my mind. _"What is she doing here? Is she ok? Is she scared?" _I can feel my heartbeat in my ears. I listen in case she makes a sound, but the pounding in my ears makes it harder. I try to breathe slowly _"don't be such a wimp."_

The door squeaks and I know she is here.

My body is rigid. _"Close your eyes! Close your eyes!"_ I scream to myself. I pretend to be asleep, hoping to look as natural as possible, but I bet I'm doing an awful job.

I feel the light shifting as she gets closer.

Crap. Crap. Crap.

Katniss is now beside my bed. The pills rattle inside the bottle. She must have grabbed it…maybe she thinks I took one. Good. _"This is good, right?"_

The bed dips as she sits next to me. Her hand touches my hair, then moves down my back; my arms. I remind myself to breathe.

"Why do you have to make this harder than it is? I wanted to be done with this tonight you know." She says to me and I'm even more clueless now. _"What should I do?"_

She traces her way back through my arms and touches my face, my lips. I feel her body leaning into mine, moving closer, and she kisses me.

My body trembles and I can't help it. She gasps and moves away.

"_Do I just pretend to wake up? Think damn it!"_

We stand still, neither of us moving, probably waiting for each other's reaction. I guess she thinks I won't wake up and moves closer to me.

"_Oh God"_ She lies in bed next to me. I can feel her breath in my face.

She speaks. Katniss tells me she is sorry, that she knows how I feel, that she loves me; and I just want to take her in my arms and kiss her and tell her that I love her too.

But I don't do any of this. This is Katniss and I know her well. She'll be mad at me for pretending to be sleeping. I can't risk that. I don't want her to go. If this is all I can have from her right now, I'll take it. _"She'll come around"_ Haymitch's voice insists.

She takes my arm and wraps herself around it, just like I used to do. "I love you" she says and kisses me again, but I don't move. Maybe I'm doing everything wrong. Maybe I should just open my eyes and tell her how much I love her, and hold on to her if she tries to run away, but I don't.

I ignore her words, put them in the back of my mind and hide them there. I can't think about this right now without doing something stupid.

We stay like this; both in silence, until she falls asleep. I open my eyes and look at her. I've missed her so much, and now she's here. There's no way I'll sleep tonight.

* * *

Morning comes, and I can barely feel my limbs. I haven't moved once since she came here, but it was worth it. I've been watching her sleep, thinking about what I'll do, what I'll say. To be honest, I've got nothing; no plan, no idea about what will happen next. I weigh my options, either I don't mention tonight and try to apologize again or come clean and tell her I…

Without warning, Katniss opens her eyes.

I try to close mine as fast as I can, but I feel it is too late. She sits in bed, waiting for my reaction. I hold my breath.

She gets up from the bed and leaves the room.

I'm still paralyzed when I hear the door downstairs. She's gone.

I open my eyes and let out the breath I've been holding. I finally let myself think about her words and what they mean.

"_She loves me. Katniss loves me."_ I take this in, and repeat the words over and over in my head. I thought I believed her before, but now…I'll never doubt it again.

If I was clueless before, I am totally lost now.

* * *

**Hi! Thanks again for the reviews, adding the story to your favorites and all the alerts! I love seeing them in my inbox! Sorry for making you wait, but I've been really busy. I know some of you think the story is moving too slow, but I feel Katniss is not the kind of person who accepts her mistakes right away (I was giving her time to get there.) The ball is in Peeta's court now (even if Katniss doesn't know it) and I feel like he should make the next (and maybe the last) move. What do you think? I'm open to ideas!**


	10. Chapter 10

Run. I run from Peeta's house as fast as I can. I still don't know if he was awake or if it was just my imagination, but I didn't feel like staying there to find out. I guess all the confidence from last night is gone.

I get inside my house and close the door behind me; close my eyes and breathe deep.

"Good morning lass." Greets me Greasy Sae from the kitchen.

I look at her, my eyes wide in surprise, and I notice a smirk on her face. _"Oh…OH"_

"I…I…" the words refuse to come out. I need to think fast.

"I was just checking on him" I have a feeling she doesn't believe me.

Greasy Sae laughs and I feel my cheeks burning. I sit at table, speechless once more.

"You don't need to explain yourself to me girl" She says in a sweet voice. I swallow hard.

"I…I just don't want you to think the wrong thing" I say shyly. She laughs again.

"Girl, spending your life being sad and alone would be the wrong thing"

I look at her. "Is that what you want?" She asks.

I shake my head.

"Then there's nothing wrong with checking on that boy" She winks at me.

"I…" I don't know what to say.

"You and that boy, it was just a matter of time." She sits with me and holds my hand.

"You share things that no one else can understand. You can help heal each other."

"He loves you" she says, her tone is serious now.

I look at her, the words sinking in. Peeta loves me and he's let everyone know about it. He is not afraid of what he feels. I'm not like Peeta, but I am more than willing to learn from him. Maybe this is part of healing.

"I love him too" I say, listening to the words as they come out. They sound like the most natural thing in the world.

Greasy Sae smiles "I know." She says and I blink. _'How?"_

"But the important question here is, does he know?"

I shake my head again. I'm not telling her everything that happened in the last couple of days. No way.

"Then you'll have to work on that. He deserves to know."

"I know. I'm working on it" I answer and smile at her. It's true. Maybe not right this second, but I'm definitely working on it.

After breakfast, I take a shower and change into my hunting outfit. It feels like I wore that green dress for a week.

On my way to the woods I start working on my plan. How do I gain Peeta's trust back? How do we become friends again? It's not like I am an expert when it comes to making friends, but at least Peeta and I were friends; maybe that will make things easier.

My birthday "confession" did not go as I planned, and the last thing I want to do is scare him again. After everything that happened I need to start small; take it slow. I may not feel as confident as I did last night, but I'm determined to get Peeta back, and I have the perfect plan; sort of: squirrels.

I catch about 7 of them. Part of me thinks it's completely ridiculous to catch squirrels for Peeta, but, he likes them. I'm counting on him understanding that I caught something he liked because I want to be his friend again…and more than a friend, but I will come later. The squirrels will be a token of my good intentions; I hope he sees it that way.

I also get some birds and a couple of rabbits for Greasy Sae. My game bag is full, so I decide to go back home, but first, I stop at Sae's house.

I knock on the door. "Who is it?" she screams.

I answer her and she tells me to come in. Once inside, I show her my haul and tell her all about my idea.

"How should I do this? Do I give the squirrels to you and you give them to him?" I ask.

She rolls her eyes. "Don't be a coward girl."

"Maybe he is not home right now, not that I have any idea where he could be, but maybe later you can knock on his door and give him the meat. Tell him it's a gift, and you want to make up."

I bite my lip. Things are more complicated than that. Greasy Sae has no idea.

"I don't know. I'm not ready to talk to him without making a fool myself. Maybe I'll just leave them on his doorstep." I grab my game bag and walk to the door. "See you later" I say as I open the door.

"Katniss!" yells Greasy Sae.

"If you decide to leave them on his doorstep, make sure to leave them inside the game bag." She says and winks at me.

"Why?" I ask.

"Just trust me on this girl."

I walk outside thinking why should I leave the game bag. If I do, then Peeta will have to return…it…oh.

He'll have to go to my house to return the game bag. That means I'll have to talk to him, but that needs to happen sooner or later. At least I can prepare myself…maybe.

* * *

Peeta's house doesn't look as intimidating now. I think about what I did last night; getting inside his house in the middle of the night to wake him up and tell him I loved him...what was I thinking? Talk about not scaring him off. I was lucky. Who knows how things would have turned out if had woken up…

I walk up to his doorstep and think about knocking on the door. What I told Greasy Sae was true, I'm not ready to talk to Peeta face to face, not after last night. Knocking is out of the question.

Maybe I should just place the game bag right by the door and leave, but what if he's not home? Greasy Sae didn't know if he was. What if he is home, but doesn't come outside for the rest of the day? What if a dog sniffs the squirrels and takes the game bag? _"Why do I complicate things so much?"_

I place the game bag on the floor, right in front of Peeta's door. This is the easiest way. I leave and hope everything goes according to plan.

As I get closer to home, I notice a red bundle on my own doorstep. I stand in front of it and take it so I can inspect it. Red cloth, a basket and a smell the makes my mouth water; freshly baked cheese buns.

My heart pounds. I stand up and look around, but see no one. _"Peeta was here. He left these here!"_ I think. Why? Why leave this here? He did this before and _"oh."_

It hits me; these are more than just cheese buns. This is a token of good intentions.

A smile spreads across my face. It seems Peeta has a plan of his own.

* * *

**Chapter 10 Peeta's POV**

I get up from bed and just stand there, not knowing what to do next. After a while, I go to the bathroom and splash cold water on my face. _"Well, that was useless_" Yeah, splashing cold water on my face will magically solve this whole mess with Katniss and put her back in my arms by dinner time. I grunt, because really, what else can I do?

Brushing my teeth seems like the next logical step, so I do that while I think about what I'll do today.

"_Bake"_ simple enough. I really need a plan, but for now, all I have is baking.

It will give me some time to either, think nonstop about Katniss or distract me for a while. _"That's it"_ I'll bake some bread, then I'll sell it at the Hob. Maybe I should go and check out the bakery. I've neglected the place long enough. Even better, I'll bring some bread and tea for the workers.

It really sounds like a good plan, a boring plan that has nothing to do with Katniss, but it will buy me some time.

I look through the pantry and decide to bake several loaves of raisin bread, cinnamon rolls and some cheese buns…hmm cheese buns…what if?

"_No"_ I tell myself firmly, and remember the basket I left outside Katniss's door; and how she completely ignored them, so no cheese buns. Although…things are different now, they are! She said it herself; she was mad at me, but not anymore.

"_YES"_ I'll bake the cheese buns, and leave them at her door. It's a small gesture, maybe even an insignificant one, but I want her to know that I'm not giving up on her, or at least let her know that I'm thinking about her.

The whole "plan", as boring as it sounds, makes me excited. I can feel this could be the start of something great. _"It's just bread"_ a part of me thinks, but the other part it's not convinced. Just bread? I don't think so. Katniss loves cheese buns, she loves me and I love her. This is perfect. I've never been so happy about baking.

After a couple of hours, everything is done. I pack all the bread and the tea so I can take it to town. Then, I place the cheese buns in a basket and cover them with clothe, just like I did last time.

I tap my fingers on the counter, thinking about how I should go about this. Do I leave them on her door step like last time or give them to her in person? Door step; it's safer that way. I won't have a chance to do anything stupid. But I don't even know if she's home. Should I call her? _"No"_ I answer myself, so I call Greasy Sae instead.

"Hey Sae, it's me. Um do you happen to know if Katniss is home?" I ask.

"Why? Do you want to talk to her? See her?"

I panic. "Oh no no I…I just wanted to give her some bread, well not give it _to her_, I can just leave it by her door." The whole this sounds awkward and before she has time to answer, our conversation is cut short. "Give me a second. There's someone at the door."

"Who is it?" She screams and waits for an answer. "Come in"

"She is here. Whatever you are going to do, do it fast" she whispers and hangs up.

Oh crap. I really didn't want to do this in a rush, but at least I already had it all packed. I grab everything, including Katniss's basket, and leave.

My heart races. I run to her house and leave the cheese buns on her door step, then get away as fast as I can. _"Move. Move. Move."_ I urge myself and walk a little faster as I pass Greasy Sae's house.

I'm finally away from the Victor's Village and on my way to town. There's a huge grin on my face and I bet the people who see me probably think I'm insane, but I don't care. I know today is gonna change everything, I can feel it.

Maybe it won't happen tomorrow or the day after that, but I know I'm getting Katniss back.

* * *

The angst is over! I know this is kind of a slow chapter, but I feel like something like this needed to happen before they get back together for good. The next couple of chapters will be about that. Thanks again for everything! All the wonderful reviews, adding the story to your favorites and all the alerts; they mean more than you can imagine. Even if I don't reply to all your reviews I DO read them all on my phone (mostly at work lol) Thanks again and get ready for the romance (and eventual smuttiness) that's coming. Finally! :D


	11. Chapter 11

Could this be really happening? Is Peeta really trying to to…I don't even know what to call this; this thing that both of us seem to be doing and I can't even name.

I go inside the house, the basket of cheese buns in my hand, and sit at the kitchen table. It's funny, how bread seems to be a recurring thing between Peeta and me. Back then, that bread he gave me saved my life, kept me alive, and I knew we would survive. Today, this bread…this bread means there's hope, we can move on.

I feel a knot in my throat. Tears prickle my eyes, but they're not sad tears. I smile. The smile gets wider and wider and I begin to laugh. I laugh and cry at the same time_. "We'll get over this, we will find our way back." _

I get up from the table and wipe my tears, the smile is still on my face as I look for the kettle and start boiling water. _"These special cheese buns deserve a special tea"_ I laugh at how lame it sounds, but I'm happy; happier than I've ever been in a long time. I can be as lame as I want.

The cheese buns taste amazing, even better than I remember. I keep the rest inside the basket and go upstairs to take a shower.

To my surprise, my great mood affects that too; I shave my legs, wash my hair and even I use that hideous Capitol machine to dry my hair, letting it fall down my back in soft waves.

The dresses inside my closet don't look that dreadful anymore, not that I prefer them over pants and shirts, but I am happy enough to tolerate them until I get around buying some clothes I actually like. It's not like I have any other option.

On the other hand, the dress options are infinite, or at least it looks that way. I move the hangers around, looking for something comfortable and plain. I keep looking until, way to the back, hidden behind what seems like miles and miles of fabric in every color imaginable, there is a dress that catches my attention.

I take it out and examine it. The garment is plain enough; sleeveless, round neckline, and a full skirt that probably hits above the knee. I turn it around and see the open back; not as plain as I thought. I smile at this, I should've have guessed; Cinna never did plain. However, none of these details, as much as I notice them, get my attention. It is the color what makes me gravitate towards it; soft orange, the color of sunset.

I've looked inside this closet many times before and never noticed this dress. Maybe I wasn't supposed to find it until today. Maybe the dress found me because, somehow, it knows it was the right time to find me. Before, I would just have seen a piece of orange fabric in a hanger. But today, reflected on that soft orange, I can see a pair of blue eyes and the arms that make me feel safe at night. I see a painter, a baker, a boy who likes to sleep with the windows open and never takes sugar with his tea. I see Peeta.

And this is just from a dress. I wonder what will happen when I finally see Peeta face to face.

It's funny how things work; the way everything falls into place once you let yourself go. Once you close your eyes and stop swimming against the current.

The leather flats I've been wearing lately complete the outfit. Somehow, I end up dressing up more than I wanted to, but at least everything feels comfortable.

I look at myself at the mirror and remember the dress I wore for my birthday dinner; the hatred I felt towards myself. I smile, no longer feeling like a joke in a dress. This is me, too; what I wear doesn't change who I am. _"But you have changed."_ I tell myself. And it's true, I have changed, but that doesn't bother me either. I needed to change in order to move on; that much I have learned.

Someone knocks at the door. My whole body is aware of this; that someone could be Peeta. Actually, it could be anyone, but I know Peeta will be here today. I can feel it.

I take a deep breath and go downstairs.

There's another knock and I feel a little nervous. I walk faster and open the door; It's not Peeta. I feel a little bit relieved.

"Hello girl. I brought you food." Says Greasy Sae as she hands me a couple of bowls. "I'm late!"

"Late for what? Are you leaving already?" I ask.

"Yes! I have to be in town." She says this as if I was supposed to know it.

"What's the rush? What's so important?"

She sighs. "The Town Board meeting! I'm a member of the Town Board and we have a meeting in a couple of minutes. We're preparing everything for the Naming Ceremony."

I frown "the what?" I ask confused. I didn't even know there was a Town Board, but I don't mention this to her.

Sae rolls her eyes "Katniss, you really need to get out more. The Naming Ceremony! I think I told you before. District 12 is getting a new name. The people submitted names to the Town Board and we voted. We'll reveal the name in two days, it's a big deal! Afterwards we're having a big celebration with food and music." She says smiling.

"We need an excuse to try to be happy, don't you think?" She pinches my cheek and I smile.

"I bet it will be great." She smiles back and starts walking away.

"You'll be there, right? Sae asks.

I twist my mouth. "I don't think so. Parties are not my thing."

She points a finger at me "You need to get out more! And I don't mean to Peeta's house!"

My jaw drops. "Sae!" I yell annoyed as my cheeks burn with embarrassment. I close the door and put the bowls on the counter. I'm not really hungry right now, but I grab the basket of cheese buns anyway and take one. These are irresistible.

Since I'm all alone, I stuff half of it in my mouth and try to chew it, but the chunk is too big.

There's another knock on the door and I immediately assume it's Greasy Sae again. Maybe she forgot to tell me something.

I walk to the door, my mouth still wrestling with the piece of cheese bun, and open it.

I almost choke on it.

It's not greasy Sae. It's Peeta and his gorgeous smile.

My eyes water and I cough violently, the food stuck in my throat. Peeta's smile vanishes and it's replaced by concern.

"Are you ok? Do you want some water?" he asks.

I nod. He comes in and walks straight to the kitchen. The coughs keep coming and so do the tears. I notice my game bag, now placed on the table. _"Greasy's trick worked!"_ I think.

Peeta hands me a glass of water and I drink it desperately. Water runs down my chin and I'm mortified. _"Oh come on!" _I scream in my head, as I wipe the water with the back of my hand.

As if choking on a piece of bread in front of him wasn't embarrassing enough.

The water does the trick. "Better?" Peeta asks.

I clear my throat "Yes, thanks" I give him a small smile and place the glass on the table.

"So…did you like them? Even though you were almost get killed by one?"

"Huh?" I respond eloquently.

Peeta smiles and points to the other half of cheese bun, still clutched in my hand. _"Really?"_ This is NOT the kind of encounter I had in mind.

I giggle and the sound alone makes me livid _"What are you giggling about?," _but I control myself.

"Yes, I liked them. They are delicious, even if they are deadly. Thanks by the way." I say.

My eyes look directly as his, but his stare is too intense, so I lower my eyes and focus on his mouth instead.

Peeta smiles again, a little wider this time, and I feel my body tingle from head to toe.

"Thank you for the squirrels. That's why I came over, by the way. I figured you don't hate me anymore."

I roll my eyes. "You are so dramatic. I never hated it you Peeta." I say feeling more comfortable now. God I missed this so much, this thing between us, whatever it is.

"I'm really sorry Katniss. I…"

"I'm sorry too Peeta." I say before he has time to finish.

Silence. I can feel the air getting stuffy and fear things will get too emotional; that's not how I want to start things with Peeta.

"We don't need to talk about what happened. Let's just start fresh." I say, trying to lighten the mood.

Peeta frowns. "Are you sure? You really don't want to talk about…"

"I don't. Really." I say and smile, trying to convince Peeta.

He shrugs. "I'll do whatever you want. So truce?"

I raise my eyebrows. "Truce? We can do a lot better than that." I say, and notice Peeta's eyes getting wider.

"_What did you say? He looks scared! Fix it! Fix it!"_

"I…I mean we're friends Peeta. There's no need for a truce between us. I'm sorry for everything that happened and I really want to be your friend." I say hoping this fixes whatever I managed to do before.

Peeta blinks fast. "Oh…sure! Of course we are friends! Sure I mean…I was just joking. Of course we are friends." He says looking nervous.

There's silence between us again, and it seems neither of us knows what to do or what to say next. I look over to the counter and notice Greasy Sae's bowls.

"Would you like to stay for supper? Sae brought food and she always brings a lot. There's more than enough for both of us." I say surprised at my own idea.

"Ahh I can't, I really can't. I was in town earlier and got invited to participate in the preparations for the Naming Ceremony. There's a meeting today, actually, I think it already started."

"I think it did. Sae was in a hurry to get there. If you go now you'll probably catch the rest." I say, not really wanting him to go, but I don't want him to miss it either.

Peeta smiles "I'm leaving, but only because I really want to be involved with the preparations. I wish I'd known sooner. You are going, right? It's in two days."

"Um to the Naming Ceremony? Sure! I'll be there. Of course I'll go."

"I think we should go together." Peeta says.

His suggestion takes me by surprise, but I try to hide it as much as I can.

"We should, definitely."

"I guess we'll start doing more friends stuff now, huh?" He says enthusiastically.

"Yeah, that's what friends do." I say I little more eager than I intended to.

"Can I come over tomorrow? Maybe I can have breakfast with you again. I mean, if you don't mind." Peeta says sheepishly.

"I don't mind at all."

Peeta looks into my eyes. "I've missed you. A lot."

His words leave me frozen, but I need to say something. Fast.

"I've missed you too Peeta." _"Whoa!"_

And once again we stay there, not saying a word; staring at each other and waiting for the other to say something.

Luckily for me, Peeta remembers his meeting. "I really, really have to go, but I'll be over tomorrow."

"I can't wait." I say with I smile, because really, I can't wait.

I walk Peeta to the door. He stops, just outside the door and turns back, facing me.

"I need to say something, but I'm totally saying this as a friend." There's a hint of nervousness in Peeta's voice as he says this, but he hides it well.

I frown "Ok"

"That dress…looks amazing on you. I know it was made for you, but wow. It was _made_ for you." He chuckles and I feel my ears getting hot.

"You look beautiful and the color! It's the"

"It's the color of sunset." I interrupt.

"Yes. It's my favorite color." He says with a smile.

"I know." I look at him, and this time, I don't flinch away. "That's what I thought when I found it in the closet."

"You thought about me when you saw that dress?" Peeta asks serious.

"Yes. I thought about you." I say surprised at my own boldness. _"God I want to kiss him so bad"_ I think, but I restrain myself. I promised I would take this slow, and that's what I'll do. _"Damn it!"_

"Have fun at your meeting, or what's left of it."

Peeta covers his face with his hand. "I'll be lucky if they still want my help." He exhales. "See you tomorrow then?"

"See you tomorrow." I say, as I watch Peeta walk away.

I hoped you enjoyed this chapter, it was fun to write! I started writing Peeta's POV, but haven't have time to finish it. I may upload it as a new chapter during the weekend. Once again, a million thanks for reviewing the story. I really really appreciate the feedback. Thanks for adding the story to your favorites and for all the alerts. What should be District 12's new name? I'm having a hard time coming up with one lol.

I listened over and over to The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice while I was writing this chapter. If I can figure out how to do it, I'll post some links in my profile to some inspiration pics ;)

See you soon!


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 11: Peeta's POV**

My visit to town goes better than I expected. People greet me along the way, people who know me or knew my family, my dad. It's nice to see that they are so fond of him, even though he's not here anymore.

They tell me how excited they are for the bakery to reopen and their excitement is contagious; I can't wait for it to open, too.

Progress at the bakery is going steady. It's not ready yet by any means, but the ovens are installed and that is a great surprise. I may even come by at night, while there's no one working, and do some baking. I can do so much more here, more than I do at home. I'm really excited.

The workers devour everything; the rolls, the cinnamon buns and the tea. I feel flattered, but realize I now have nothing to sell at the Hob. It's not like I desperately need the money anyway, but I enjoy it. It reminds me of the old times at the bakery; my old life before everything happened.

Since there's no point in going to the Hob, I decide to walk around for a while.

More people greet me as I walk with no real direction, and before I even realize it, I'm standing in right in the center of the district, looking at the Justice Building; the place that changed my life, our lives forever.

A shill runs through my body and out of nowhere, I feel the urge escape, to run away and disappear. There are too many ghosts here; too much blood stuck to these walls.

But I stand my ground; I won't let fear of the past get the best of me.

I look at the building, beyond the ghosts and the blood that no one else can see, and notice a huge banner hanging in front. Big bold red letters read Naming Ceremony. The smaller text below explains what it is and where and when it will be held. It will be in two days and held here, in front of the Justice Building; the same place where the Reaping took place for 75 years.

"_Good. Time to make new memories in this place."_ I think.

I walk away from the building, ready to go home, when a man stops me and introduces himself. His name is Pip Treefit, and he used to work at the mayor's office. I've never met him before, or at least don't remember him, but he knows me and knew my father.

Mr. Treefit noticed I had been looking at the Naming Ceremony banner, and proceeds to explain the reason behind it. I tell him I heard something about it from Greasy Sae.

"Yes, she became a member of the Town Board not long ago." He says.

"Wow that's great." I say genuinely surprised. I had no idea.

We talk for a while, and he tells me I should go to the meeting the Town Board will be holding later today.

"Maybe you can participate in the preparations and even contribute some of your delicious baked goods for the celebration afterwards." He says between chuckles.

"I would be delighted to." I say. It's good to feel needed, to have some purpose again…in addition to my other current purpose.

I go back home thinking about the Naming Ceremony and how lucky I am to have the ovens already installed at the bakery. There are not many of us here in District 12; not as many as we used to be anyway, but there's only me doing all the baking. I'm going to need help, but I know just the person to ask.

Katniss's game bag is on my doorstep; this was not here when I left. I grab it and open it. I gasp with delight _"Squirrels!"_ this is definitely a nice treat.

"_Oh"_ Is what comes to mind when I realize what Katniss's act means.

"_I guess I have to go over there and say thanks."_ I smile and get inside the house.

I skin and clean the squirrels, then place them in the freezer. I won't be making these any time soon. I have different plans for breakfast, dinner and lunch; and they involve a certain someone.

All done in the kitchen, I go upstairs and take a shower. Not only I want to look nice for the meeting, but now that I have to make another stop, well, now I need to look nice for that too.

I take a look inside my closet, move some stuff around and chose what I'll wear. I go downstairs, grab the game bag and head to Katniss's house.

Katniss opens the door and it's as if the sun itself is there. I smile because I don't trust myself with words right now. She looks like the sunset, the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen and she's… choking?

She coughs hard and I snap out of my trance.

"Are you ok? Do you want some water?" I ask. She nods and I go inside. I place the game bag on the table and fetch a glass of water for Katniss.

She drinks it fast, and some of it falls down her chin. A lucky drop makes it down her neck, but she doesn't notice it. I watch almost spellbound; I would give anything to be that drop of water right now.

"_Stop"_ I tell myself.

I notice a piece of cheese bun in her hand and assume that is what she choked on. I try to joke around; to make light conversation, but just looking at her distracts me.

The color of her dress draws me in, and I can almost taste the sunset in my mouth; it's crisp, fresh, sweet and tangy at the same time.

"_Talk"_ "Thank you for the squirrels" I say, remembering what I came here for.

Katniss speaks, and I listen to her, but the damn dress is killing me. I take in every single detail; the way it frames her body and hugs her waist. The open back and the exposed skin; begging to be touched…kissed _"Stop it!"_

I need to concentrate. I didn't come here to fantasize about Katniss.

"I'm really sorry Katniss. I…"

She interrupts me and says she doesn't want to talk about it. I agree, not wanting to upset her, but right now not talking is not an option if I really want to focus.

"I'll do whatever you want. So truce?" I say.

"Truce? Katniss says. "We can do a lot better than that."

I'm surprised, speechless even. I was not prepared to move that fast, but if that's what she really wants, then I'm more than happy to obey.

"I…I mean we're friends Peeta. There's no need for a truce between us. I'm sorry for everything that happened and I really want to be your friend."

It takes me a few seconds to process this. I just flew to heaven and fell down, hard. It's probably better this way; baby steps.

"Oh…sure! Of course we are friends!" I mumble a bunch of stuff, trying to convince Katniss I totally understood what she meant.

We stay in silence and I begin to worry. I'm not used to being speechless this often.

"Would you like to stay for supper? Sae brought food and she always brings a lot. There's more than enough for both of us." Katniss says, and I love her even more for that. She wants me here.

And I hate myself a little for not being able to stay.

"Ahh I can't, I really can't." I tell her about the meeting, the Naming Ceremony and how I was invited to participate.

I have an idea.

"You are going, right? It's in two days." I ask Katniss.

"Um to the Naming Ceremony? Sure! I'll be there. Of course I'll go." She says in a not very Katniss-like manner.

"I think we should go together."

"We should, definitely." She answers and I can see how this plan, set in motion by both of us, will be a total success. _"Time to be a little bolder"_

"Can I come over tomorrow? Maybe I can have breakfast with you again. I mean, if you don't mind." I say shyly.

"I don't mind at all." She says.

I look into her eyes; the longing in them matching my own.

"I've missed you. A lot." The words stumble out of my mouth before I even have time to understand what I'm saying.

"I've missed you too Peeta."

And with this, she disarms me, leaves me defenseless; but I can't afford to be undone. Not now, not when we are so close to finding each other again. This time, we have to do it right.

If I stay here…I don't trust myself right now.

"I really, really have to go, but I'll be over tomorrow." I say hating myself again. _"You're doing the right thing."_ I say in my head, trying to convince myself.

She smiles and walks me to the door. _"Keep walking. Keep walking."_

To hell with it. I can't leave like this.

"I need to say something, but I'm totally saying this as a friend."

"_Don't do it!"_ I ignore the sensible side of me.

"That dress…looks amazing on you. I know it was made for you, but wow. It was _made_ for you. You look beautiful and the color! It's the"

She doesn't let me finish. "It's the color of sunset."

"Yes. It's my favorite color." I say smiling.

"I know. That's what I thought when I found it in the closet." says Katniss.

"_She remembers." _

"You thought about me when you saw that dress?" I can't help asking; it's too tempting.

"Yes. I thought about you." She says, not a hint of shyness in her voice. Her words melt me like butter.

"Have fun at your meeting, or what's left of it." She says.

If it weren't for the damn meeting I would never leave; but I should be grateful for the meeting. The more I stay here, the less I trust myself.

"I'll be lucky if they still want my help." I tell Katniss. "See you tomorrow then?"

"See you tomorrow." She answers back, and I finally leave; reluctantly.

**I hoped you enjoyed Peeta's side of the story; this is always fun to write. Let me know what you think! Thanks again for the reviews, adding the story to your favorites and all the alerts! I must tell you, I used a website to generate Pip Treefit's name. LOL I have no clue about how to come up with names for "fictional" characters in HG. See you soon! ;)**


	13. Chapter 13

Breakfast tomorrow sounds…great; scary, terrifying and great! And the fact that it was his idea, well that makes it even better.

I pace around the kitchen thinking about how Peeta and I have had breakfast a million times before and how this particular breakfast makes me feel so giddy and nervous and excited at the same time.

"_Greasy Sae"_ I think. She'll probably be here tomorrow, like she is every morning. _"Hmmm" _Maybe it's time I make my own breakfast.

I used to do it before, and it seems so long ago. It's kind of bizarre how something so simple, even mundane, became a struggle, a burden. And I realize that I miss that, being self-sufficient, doing things on my own. I want that part of myself back.

I call Greasy Sae and tell her that I'm ready, that I can do this myself. I explain to her that I want to start with something small like breakfast, and confess that I'm not ready to renounce to her delicious cooking yet. We both laugh and hang up. Even if I wasn't used to it before, I have to admit that it feels nice to be taken care of, to lean on someone else.

It's still light outside, so I make a quick trip to town and buy everything for tomorrow's breakfast. I haven't been food shopping since I went to buy the ingredients for my birthday dinner. The whole thing seems ironic, but I don't duel on it.

The Hob is as alive as ever, full of people, smells and noises. Being here gives me a sense of normalcy that I haven't felt in a while; and I become aware of how lucky I am to be here, alive, surrounded by all these people who are just as lucky. In a way, we have a duty to move on and keep living for all of those that can't.

I sigh. I didn't expect this trip to be an emotional one, and I blink back the tears I feel coming. I make sure to walk around and distract myself. I greet people here and there. Some of them I remember, there are others I don't, but having them around; strangers or not, feels nice.

I go back home with eggs, cheese, some vegetables and bacon. I put everything away and go upstairs feeling suddenly tired. A hot shower seems like a great idea, and it's the next thing I do.

My eyes feel heavy. I call it a night, but not before I set the alarm for tomorrow morning; there's no way I'll miss tomorrow's breakfast. I'm not leaving anything to chance. Once my head touches the pillow, my whole body relaxes with the promise of sleep. I close my eyes and go to sleep thinking about Peeta, and what tomorrow may bring.

But, just like many times before, before tomorrow arrives, I still have to deal with tonight and the visit Peeta pays me in my dreams.

We are in the lake, facing each other, the water up to our chests; I can't feel the coldness, but my whole body trembles. My wet underwear clings to my body, my hair is tangled and some strands cover my face. Peeta moves closer to me. His movements are gracious, effortless; as is the water between us is nothing but air. He moves the damp hair out of my face; his hand brushes my cheek and makes its way down my neck, my shoulders, down my arm until both of his arms encircle me. The heavy fabric of the wet bra comes off; and my body feels weightless.

Peeta moves even closer, pressing his body against mine, pinning me to a wall of smooth rock that I don't remember being there before. There are no words between us; we don't need any.

His mouth moves hungrily across my neck, and I can feel his hardness taunting me, letting me know how much he wants me. He thrusts against me slowly; one of his hands cups my breast as the other moves down my stomach and stops between my legs. He looks me in the eye as his hand caresses me, teases me. His fingers move faster, faster, until they go inside me. I bite his shoulder hard. I'm dizzy, drunk by the delicious pain.

I press my mouth on his, kissing him, sucking and biting his lips. Our breaths are ragged, as his movements drive us both to the edge. The silence is broken by our moans, we are so close…

The sheets are damp and stuck to my skin, as I wake up to the sound of the alarm drilling a hole in my head. I turn it off and grunt. _"What is the point of having these dreams if I can't even enjoy them until the end?"_ I ask myself annoyed.

A light sheen of sweat covers my skin. I can feel my body burning; I haven't felt that way since that night, the night Peeta and I spent together. The truth is that no dream comes close to that night, but I can't deny this was a good one, so good in fact that I need a shower. I better get cleaned up before Peeta gets here.

The warm water falls over my body. I trace Peeta's hands with my own. I close my eyes as they move over my breasts, my stomach…between my legs; and it's almost as if he were here.

I could do this. Touch myself and pretend that his hands are the ones on me, but that would feel like a fraction of what he makes me feel; the real Peeta, his hands, his lips; his hard body next to mine.

"_He'll be here soon"_ I remind myself, and I don't want to be late.

I get out of the shower, bowing not to think anymore about the dream, and instead have a serious debate with myself about what to wear. Do I stay in pajamas or do I change? I don't want to look sloppy, but I don't want to look like I'm trying too hard either.

"_Are these the kind of issues I'm going to face from now on?"_ I shudder at the thought. Pajamas it is. It's not like Peeta hasn't seen me like this before. I look at the mirror and fix my hair, then go downstairs and start cooking.

The bacon is toasted and the scrambled eggs are ready, fluffy and hot, when there's a knock on the door. My stomach turns _"this is just breakfast. This is just breakfast."_ I tell myself over and over, but it doesn't help at all. I take a deep breath and open the door.

Peeta is there, a huge grin on his face. He looks as handsome as ever and he's wearing jeans and a black t-shirt. He looks great. In an effort to distract myself and not stare at him, I concentrate on his jeans _"Why does he get to wear jeans and I don't? Cinna never mentioned jeans, but he was responsible for Peeta's wardrobe too…maybe I do have them, but haven't looked through all my drawers."_ I tell myself, and make a mental note to do so.

"Can I come in?" Peeta asks, reminding me he's standing in front of me and we are about to have breakfast.

"Um of course. Come in" I say shyly.

Peeta comes inside the house and moves close to me, closer, until his mouth is almost on mine. He moves his head to the side, slowly, and kisses me on the cheek. I can hear the air escaping my lungs, and I swallow hard. The huge grin is on his face again as he goes to the kitchen. I thought he was going to kiss me, _really_ kiss me. _"What a tease!"_ I scream in my head, wishing he really had.

There's a loaf of bread sitting in the counter. Peeta must have brought it, but I completely missed it. I was distracted.

'Let's eat!" Peeta says. "I'm starving."

"Ok. Sure." I answer back, still a bit shaken by the_ almost_ kiss.

I move around the kitchen looking for plates and forks, while Peeta gets a knife and slices the bread. I look at him while he's occupied with the bread, and notice how at ease and comfortable he seems, while I'm a mess. I envy his composure.

"_Just pretend to be comfortable too."_ I tell myself and decide to do my best.

I place the food on the table and Peeta does the same with the bread. We sit and begin to eat in silence at first, but I break the ice.

"How was your meeting?" I ask Peeta.

"It was good, good." He says shrugging.

"Tell me. What did you talk about?" I ask, genuinely curious.

"Actually…I didn't pay that much attention. To be honest, I kept thinking about…other things." Says Peeta sheepishly.

I frown. "What other things?"

He looks at the table, his eyes fixed on the breakfast.

Peeta finally looks up, there's a twinkle in his eye. "I kept thinking about the sunset."

My heart starts beating fast, really fast. I was not expecting that. I don't know what Peeta is trying to do to me or what he wants to accomplish with this. I will not lose it. I have a plan and I'm going to stick to it. I keep pretending to be composed, and choose to ignore Peeta.

"You didn't listen to anything?" I ask, and stuff my mouth with eggs and bacon.

Peeta smiles; he knows I avoided getting into a discussion of his comment.

"Well, yes. I do know they want me to bake stuff for the celebration afterwards." He says not looking at me.

"Oh that's great! Are you excited?"

"I am, but I probably bit more than I can chew." He says scratching his head. "I'm gonna need help. Your help, if you don't mind."

'Of course I'll help you! I'd be more than happy to." I say. A whole day baking with Peeta sounds really nice.

"That's settled then. But that's for tomorrow. What do you want to do today?" He asks enthusiastically. I put more food in my mouth. I have no idea what to say.

"I don't know. What do you have in mind?" I say; my mouth full of food.

"I need to go to the Hob and buy supplies for all the baking tomorrow, but we can do that later. We have some time to kill before that and" he says with a smile "I thought we could go to the lake."

The lake, the same like I dreamed about last night. I was in the process of swallowing my food when "we could go to the lake" came out of Peeta's mouth, which resulted in my throat closing and me choking; again.

Peeta hands me a glass of water. "Maybe you should stop eating when I'm around." He says; the huge grin on his face. I finish drinking the water and glare at him.

"So what do you say, the lake?"

"Sure, why not?" I say with a shrug. _"I don't know what's his playing, but he's going to lose."_ I think.

"I need to ask you first" Peeta grabs my hand as he says this, and there's a serious look on his face. "Do you think you can handle two days with me without choking to death?" He can't help smiling now.

"Let's go to the lake" I say squeezing his hand. "Maybe_ I_ can choke _you_ to death there."

"Ooooohhhhh is that a threat?" Peeta says laughing. His happiness is really contagious.

"Maybe. They didn't call me the girl on fire for nothing." I say looking at him, and we both laugh.

Peeta goes with me upstairs and, since we have identical rooms, he shows me exactly where he found the jeans and t-shirt in his room. Well, it seems Cinna planned for every occasion imaginable. As it turns out, some of the drawers are full of jeans, pants and shirts.

I knew where the underwear and the pajamas were, and every time I did laundry I put the clean clothes back where I found them, so I never searched through the rest of drawers.

I go to the bathroom and change into a pair of jeans, a white t-shirt and my boots; while Peeta is sitting on the bed waiting for me. I realize this is the first time he's been back in my room since my birthday. The butterflies return to my stomach. I close my eyes and try to keep pretending I'm as composed and comfortable as he is.

"All done" I say with a smile.

Peeta smiles back "let's go" he says, and we head to the lake.

We talk on our way there, always making sure to choose safe topics; District 12, Haymitch, Greasy Sae's cooking, the Naming Ceremony and so on. As long as it doesn't involve us as in "US", it's a safe topic.

"It's beautiful." Peeta says looking at the water.

"I know"

We sit under the trees that are closest to the water, and just enjoy the view. We stay in silence and I wonder what Peeta is thinking about. Why did he want to come here? Did he just want to spend time with me? I have no idea, but I'm glad we're here. This is a special place for me, a place I shared with my dad, and now I can share it with Peeta.

I look at him and realize he is looking back at me. "What?" I ask defensively.

"I was thinking that I haven't had any swimming lessons in a while." He says matter-of-factly.

I raise my eyebrows "So that's what you brought me here? So we could resume your swimming lessons?"

"Could be" He says shrugging. "That and…I really wanted to spend time with you."

I look at him and smile. It's taking all my strength not to pull him close to me and kiss him like I did in my dream. Keeping this friendship as a friendship is harder than I thought_. "You can do this, you need to do this. You are his friend. He needs to believe you." _I tell myself, and I know it's true_. "Stop thinking about the dream and concentrate on right now." _ And I do so. I ignore the dream, the butterflies; my growing desire to kiss Peeta and concentrate on today, on our friendship.

"Let's go" I say to Peeta as I untie my boots.

"Go where?" He asks frowning. "The water" I say "where else?"

Peeta looks shocked. "Right now?" I start unbuttoning my pants. "Katniss! Stop. Wait. You mean go in the water…naked?" He says this last word in a whisper, his face red.

I laugh. "No silly, in our underwear. Don't tell me you are all pure now. That's not the Peeta I remember."

He glares at me.

"Not at all" Peeta gets up and takes his shirt off. "I'll race you to the water." He says and we start undressing faster. I finish first and running to the lake, but Peeta is close behind me. I get into the water and make a huge splash, making sure to get Peeta all wet before he even gets into the water.

We stay near the shore playing in the water and splashing each other. Peeta challenges me to wrestle and we do that for a while, but I decide to stop when I realize there's no way I can win.

"You're a really bad loser girl on fire" says Peeta splashing water on my face.

"Whatever. Let's swim." I say and go under water. I grab Peeta's legs making him stumble. He goes down while I go up for air, laughing as he gets back on his feet.

"That was not fair!" he yells at me.

I pay no attention to Peeta's whining and grab his hand, moving him closer to me.

"Do you remember the basic stroke I taught you?" I ask.

"Of course I do." Peeta answers, rolling his eyes.

"Well, let's practice that. You have no flotation device now, so it'll be tricky."

Peeta practices going back and forth for a while. I notice that it's a bit hard for him in the beginning, but after a few tries he gets the hang of it.

I swim next to him and dare him to race me. I end up winning, which is no surprise. We swim around each other, for what seem like hours. It's nice being with him like this; no complications, not having to worry about what will happen next or what he'll say or think if I say or do the wrong thing. Part of me wishes we didn't have to go back, but I know we need to.

"I think we should get out of the water so we can get dry before going back to town." I say because I have to, but wishing again we could stay here.

"You're right. I still need to buy the supplies for tomorrow. You know what? After all this heavy swimming I'm exhausted. Maybe we should take a nap." Says Peeta, and I can't tell if he's joking or actually being serious about the nap.

"A nap?" I ask frowning.

"Sure, just while we get dry. It'll give me back the strength to do all that shopping. Come on, just for a little while."

"_You know you can't say no to that face." _I tell myself. And I truly can't. "Ok, but just until we get dry."

We find a spot of soft grass under the trees and lie next to each other, looking up at the branches above us. And it hits me, I am lying on the grass, next to Peeta and only wearing my underwear; my wet and probably see through underwear. I feel exposed, shy; even a bit embarrassed. I want to cover myself with my hands, but I don't move.

"You can move closer to me, if you want" Peeta says in a small voice, and I forget what I was thinking about.

"I'd like that." I tell Peeta without looking at him.

I move my body closer to his and lie on my side. Peeta puts his arm around me and the weight of it makes me think of home _"I am home"_ and right now, there's no other place I rather be.

**Hi everyone! Sorry for making you wait for so long, but this was a hard chapter to write. There are 1 or 2 more chapters left (not sure yet) and I knew how the story was going to end, but had no idea how to get there. Also, I heard a song that made me think of Gale and when I tried to write this chapter I kept thinking about Gale, so I had to write something based on the song. It's a (really sad) one shot about Gale on Katniss's wedding. I hope you'll like it! Thank you for your support, all the reviews, the alerts and adding the story to your favorites. See you soon! ;)**

**P.S. I wasn't planning on writing Peeta's POV, but after reading a couple of reviews for this chapter I'm starting to consider it, so it's up to you the readers :D would you like to read Peeta's POV or would you rather read the next chapter (which will probably be the last one) let me know! **


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